Happy Birthday
by Haruka Hana
Summary: A letter written in the past and meant for the future is interrupted in its journey. Be forewarned, story will contain angst, abuse and rape. Matt and Tk brotherly love, Yamato and Taichi friendship.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon. If I did, the first season would definitely not have had that really lame song at the start. (Com'on 'Digimon are the champions' ;P)

**Warning: **Please take heed of the warning sign. This is rated R for a reason. It will have abuse, rape, and suicidal idealations. If this is too dark for you, please find another, lighter read. I accept constructive criticism, but will not accept flames for what you have been warned against.

**Author's Note: **I have to say, I had to write this. This dark seed of a plot got trapped in my head and has been screaming for release. Since there has to be a bad guy, I'm afraid I made some changes to some characters (I know it's not true in the original anime, but you'll see what I mean as you read). I almost decided to do this as a one shot, but the seed took root and has been growing. This story will have brotherly love and friendship, no shonen ai. (I don't have anything against it, it just won't be in this story.)

(Oh, I do promise anyone who followed me here from A World So Cold _–laughs- You probably thought I updated._ I'm not putting it on hold. I just needed to get this posted and out of my mind.)

This is the prologue to my story. This is a letter written in the past and meant for the future.

**Happy Birthday**

**Prologue**

Happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday, Tk. Or is it Takeru now? Today is your 18th birthday and I can picture you so easily. I can just see you standing so strong and proud, surrounded by all your friends. Of course, knowing how tall our family gets, you're probably towering over everyone while you laugh easily at some joke, your eyes so bright with hope and happiness.

Well, maybe today they aren't as bright as they should be. You're probably confused, angry, and maybe even sad. And it's all my fault. Just like it always is. I'm sure that in the time that has passed since I wrote this letter and you read it, I will probably have failed you more times than you can count. Please believe me when I say, I never meant to hurt you. You have always been the most important person in my life. I would do anything, give anything to keep you safe.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm writing this letter. Maybe it's because I miss having a little brother. It's been three years since mom and dad divorced and I hate it. I hate that I hardly ever see you anymore. I hate that I can't play with you and watch out for you like a big brother should. But what I hate most is myself. You were too young, you didn't see what was going on, but it was my fault mom and dad split up.

I bet you probably just called me an idiot. You've always been blinded by your loyalty. But I need you to keep reading, I need you to understand. Maybe if you understand, you won't hate me for not giving you my gift this year.

For as long as I can remember, mom and dad fought, mostly it was simple arguments. I don't think they really cared about what they fought over, the only thing that mattered was winning the fight. But later it got worse. You were only 5 when things got really bad between mom and dad. I would read you bedtime stories and try to drown out their yelling. I think I was partially successful, you didn't seem to hear what they were yelling, but I always did. The more they argued, the more often I heard my own name being yelled back and forth. I didn't think it could get worse, but I was wrong.

About two months before the divorce, mom told dad he had to move out. Dad, being dad, refused. Maybe you remember him sleeping on the couch? She wouldn't let him in the bedroom at night. Sometimes I hate mom for that.

Dad started acting kinda strange after that. I would seem him roaming through the apartment late at night. It was like he never slept. Do you remember the nightmares you had when you were little? You would tell me you heard harsh voices and crying, that you would huddle under your blanket and close your eyes desperately trying to wake up. Those weren't nightmares, at least, not yours. I lied to you.

I started noticing dad would repeatedly stop outside your door late at night. For some reason it scared me. No, more than that, something was wrong with dad and it terrified me. Then one night, he went in.

I don't know why I followed him. I'm ashamed to admit that I once wished that I hadn't. Then maybe my eyes would shine like yours. And I realize once again why I hate myself.

Dad had stopped right inside your room, looking at you asleep under the covers. He wasn't doing anything, but somehow I knew you needed me. He didn't hear me call out to him. Maybe my voice was too soft, but I didn't want to wake you up. He didn't even notice I was there until I stepped in front of you. He told me to move, but I couldn't. His voice was wrong, angry. I didn't want him to come near you. He didn't yell at me for some reason, I don't think he wanted to wake you up either. But he kept telling me to leave, to go to bed. And then, he hit me. When I started crying, he finally left. That's the real reason you found me in bed with you that morning, not because I heard you having a nightmare.

Dad had never hit me before, I thought that maybe that would be the end of it. That that would be the worst of it. This wasn't the last time I would cling to that vain hope. Remember how I slept by your bed, to guard you from the bad dreams? I wasn't worried about dreams. I didn't understand why, but dad kept coming to your room each night. And each night he got angrier and angrier at me. That was when he told me that it was my fault that he and mom were arguing. He told me that mom knew I was bad and never listened and that she often argued with him about how to punish me. He used to tell me this when he was hitting me for not leaving your room.

You probably think that I should have told you about it, but I couldn't. I didn't want you to know dad could do that. And I didn't want you to know that it was all my fault.

Maybe you still believe in me, despite my faults and my failures to you. As unlikely as it seems, maybe you don't blame me. Right now, you're probably asking me why I didn't tell mom. You see, it wasn't long after he started hitting me that they seemed to argue less. I thought he was right, that I deserved the punishment and that's why things got better for them. But she still made him sleep on the couch, and I hate her for that.

And he still came to your room each night. I don't remember how many nights passed that he came to your room and hit me when I wouldn't leave. I do remember the night that I finally understood why. I didn't want to understand. I didn't want to hurt. But most of all, I didn't want to let you get hurt. But I didn't really have a choice, he never gave me one. I think dad finally got fed up with me refusing to leave. That night, when he realized that his kicks and blows couldn't make me leave, he dragged me out of your room by my hair.

I never planned to tell you this. I never wanted you to know. I don't want you to be hurt by this. I just want you to understand why. Why I had to write you this letter.

When he got to my room, he threw me on my bed. He shut the door and started to tell me in that harsh, muted voice of his what a horrible kid I was. That I didn't deserve to live, that I would never be anything but a nuisance. It hurt, but I expected it. After all, I had been hearing it every night for longer than I wanted to. Then he started saying things to me that didn't make any sense. He told me that I looked just like mom. That I was beautiful, that I was so innocent. He told me that I owed him, that he owned me. And then…

And then…I'm sorry Tk, I don't want to…I can't seem to…how can I ever tell you this? You're so innocent, you shouldn't know this. It feels wrong to corrupt you with the dirt that seems to bury me.

But, you're an adult now, right? You're 18 and a man. You're stronger than me. You have to be.

Tk, he…he hurt me. He held me down, touched me, hurt me. I wanted to scream, but he held my face in the pillow. I thought he was killing me. It hurt so bad, I wanted him to kill me. When it was finally over, he patted me on the head and told me I was a 'good boy, even better than he thought.' And I wanted to die.

The next morning, when I didn't get up for breakfast, mom came to my room. She told me that dad told her that I had misbehaved the previous night and that he had to punish me. She told me that I shouldn't sulk when dad punished me for what I deserved. She told me to grow up and stop misbehaving and I wouldn't get punished so often. And I hated her.

The only thing that stopped after that night was that dad stopped going to your room at night. He started coming to mine. It hurt, I always hurt, but for a while I thought it was okay. Mom and dad stopped fighting and things almost seemed to be back to normal. Normal for everyone else at least. I didn't realize it was the calm before the storm.

Mom and dad finally divorced. They even went to court to fight over you and me. Well, you at least. After all, mom thought I deserved dad's punishment, I knew she didn't want me. Even with that, I still wanted to go with you and mom. Maybe mom would realize I wasn't so bad. Maybe she would learn to love me. I knew I could be good if I tried. But dad said that the judge would give him custody of both of us. He told me that since mom didn't have a job, the judge would have to give us to him. I knew you were a good kid, that you would never deserve the punishments that I did, but I was still worried about you. That's why I told the judge that I wanted to live with dad. I told him that I loved mom and thought she should take you, but that I should stay with dad. I thought the judge would understand. Mom would be able to take care of one kid, even if she didn't have enough money for two. I also thought that maybe dad wouldn't fight for you so much if he knew he had me. Luckily, this was one time that I was right.

So now you understand why mom and dad divorced and why we were separated. It was all my fault. I wish I could say things got better after the divorce, but they didn't. I tried to be good. I learned to cook, I kept the apartment clean, I did everything he told me to, but, somehow, I still deserved punishment. I wish that I could have visited you more these last couple of years. I really have missed you so much. I can't help but wonder if you feel the same way. Dad keeps canceling the weekends that we are supposed to spend together. In a way, I'm happy. I don't want you anywhere near us, but I still wish I could see you and mom more.

Dad's furious with me right now. Mom called earlier this evening. She told him that she had arranged to send us both to summer camp. Dad wasn't able to think of an excuse fast enough, so, finally, I'll get to spend time with you. I can't wait. Spending time with you is worth anything. I want to see you again. I want to be a normal big brother and protect you from normal things like scraped knees. He was so mad. In the last few years, he has been working more and only hurts me now when he's really angry. Although, sometimes he doesn't really seem to need a reason. He was mad tonight. He barely had hung up the phone when he started beating me. Sometimes I'm happy that he likes to hit me. If I'm lucky, I pass out before he starts...hurting me the other way.

I'm so tired of this, Tk. So tired of everything. I wish it could all just stop. But I understand it can't. Dad told me last night that I had better not speak to you or anyone at camp about our family. He told me that a child is considered a minor until they turn eighteen. He told me that this means he owns me until I turn eighteen. And he said if I tried to run away, he would just take you away from mom.

I guess that's the real reason why I'm writing this letter. I've realized that as much as I want to, I can't die yet. I can't die until you turn eighteen. I have to be your big brother, I have to protect you until you don't need me anymore. You're my little brother, Tk, and I love you more than death itself. I will stay alive, I will be here for you. It's the only real gift I have to give you.

But please understand, today you're eighteen. You are strong, proud, brave. You're an adult and you don't need me anymore. Please don't hate me. And please don't be sad. You see, my soul died a long time ago, only my body lived to protect you. And, even though it's selfish of me, today I need a gift from you. I need your forgiveness and your release. Today, I need death.

I love you, Tk. Don't hate me, please forgive me.

Happy Birthday,

Your aniki, Yamato

---------------tbc

Let's hope someone finds the letter before Tk's 18th birthday.

I hope everyone enjoyed the prologue. This is only the beginning and it's only going to get darker from here. Please don't forget to leave a little light. Reviews make me happy and encourage me to post.


	2. When I Pretend

**Disclaimer: **Don't own digimon, no bishie boys, no irritatingly kawaii digimon, nada, nothing, zilch.

**Warning Note: **The warning for this chapter is simple, there is nothing bad here. No angst, torture, drama. Just a simple day in the life of the unaware.

**Author's Notes: **For those keeping track of time. I figured out a basic timeline of ages for our heroes. When Matt and Tk's parents divorced, Matt was 8 and Tk was 5. When they went to the digital world, Matt was 11 and Tk was 8. The second season with the newer digi-destined happened when Matt was 14 and Tk was 11. I find it interesting that Tk sort of mirrors Matt's critical points. Each age that something drastic happens to Matt is followed by something drastic happening to Tk at that same age.

For the purposes of my story, the main portion takes place in the time of the new digi-destined. Matt is 14 and Tk 11. I will try to give clues as to when the letters were written within the letters themselves. Make no mistake there will be more letters. You will get to read them, but whether they are found in time is another story altogether. (Actually, it's not. It's this story )

The prologue is automatically numbered chapter1 by ffnet, so therefore, this is chapter 2. I'm just trying to prevent confusion later on. On that note, I'm revferring to the characters by their Americanized names. I know the original, but not everyone does.

Now, enjoy :)

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter II: When I Pretend**

Lying my way from you  
I wanna be pushed aside so let me go  
Let me take back my life, I'd rather be all alone  
Anywhere on my own cuz I can see  
The very worst part of you is me

> - 'Lying from You,' by Linkin Park

"So we take the sum of the roots and multiple. Now, who can finish this equation?"

Tai yawned widely, his right hand making a vain attempt to hide it, as his math teacher droned on. Math was his least favorite subject. Thankfully, it was the last class of the day for him. After this, he had soccer, his favorite sport, and then it was home-free.

_Why do I have to take this stupid class? It's not like math is important for anything. That's why god created calculators. I bet adults just make us take this as revenge because they had to take it when there were young. Jerks. At least I get to share this boredom with a few friends._

Tai chuckled evilly to himself as he looked at Sora, sitting two desks over from him. Her eyes were crinkled slightly as she frowned up at the chalk board intently. He was relieved to see that he wasn't the only one having trouble with the teacher's problems. He was even more relieved when the teacher picked her instead of him to solve the equation on the board.

With his teacher's attention on Sora, he faked a stretch and glanced back at where Matt was sitting in the last row of desks. Matt was leaning back in his chair, rocking on the back two legs. His pencil was tucked behind his right ear and he was watching the teacher with calm disinterest. He didn't really look bored, but rather had a 'been-there, done-that' expression on his face. Tai almost laughed out loud, wondering if Matt had copyrighted that look.

Matt noticed Tai watching him and lifted one eyebrow inquiringly at him, than gave him a slow, half-smirk and a wink. That last wink broke Tai of what little self-control he had been clinging to and he burst out laughing. Unfortunately, his timing couldn't have been worse. Sora had finished the problem on the board and the teacher had just announced that her answer was wrong. The other kids' laughter drew his attention back to the front where Sora was staring daggers at him. His teacher didn't appear to be very happy with him either and was glaring at him disapprovingly.

"Tai, since you think math is so much fun why don't you come up and solve the next problem."

Groaning, Tai stood up and dragged his feet all the way to the chalk board. He walked like a condemned man on his way to the chair. Sora waited for him at the front, her eyes still blazing.

"Here, Tai," she said with sweetness underlaced with iron, "your turn."

"Thanks, Sora," Tai mumbled under his breath, "you're too kind."

She handed him the piece of chalk and returned to her seat. He could feel her eyes on him, watching and waiting for him to mess up.

_Well, at least she won't have to wait long. Damn it, Matt. This is all your fault. _

"Alright, Tai, here's your problem."

The verbal nudge from his teacher brought him back to the problem at hand. He stared at it for a while, completely at a loss for how to solve it. Tilting his head a little to the left, he let out a thoughtful, "hmmm."

_I wonder how long I can bluff thinking._

Sparing a hidden glance at his teachers, he tilted his head to the right and added an, "uh-huh."

A light giggle from behind him let him know that Sora had caught on to his cunning plan. The loud clearing of a throat beside him told him the teacher had caught on as well.

"We're all waiting."

Knowing he could delay no longer, Tai reached up with the chalk to begin writing his answer for the problem he didn't have a clue to understanding.

**_RING_**

The loud dismissal bell rang out and Tai didn't even try to hide the sigh of relief.

"Well, what do you know," drawled his teacher, "Looks like you got a stay of execution."

Tai smiled brightly and dropped the chalk. He was halfway back to his seat to grab his books when the teacher's voice rose above the chatter of the students readying themselves for a quick exit.

"All right, everybody, keep it down. That bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

Quickly the class ceased its clatter. All the kids sat quietly with their papers and books halfway shoved into their backpacks. Each student stared at the teacher with a hungry, expectant look, hanging on his every word while waiting for the two words they wanted most to hear. The teacher almost laughed at the avid attention the students were giving him. There was nothing like the last class dismissal on a Friday afternoon.

"Homework is pages 179-182, and I will expect each of you to be able to show me the correct answers to them when I call you up to the board." Pausing to let the loud groans die away, he continued, "And, Tai, you'll be first. Please copy the problem on the board, because you'll solve it for the class on Monday. Alright then, Class Dismissed."

With those two last words, the class dissolved into chaos. Students stuffed the last of their belongings into their bags and raced for the door. The teacher took refuge behind his desk, secure in the knowledge that the students wouldn't come within five feet of it for fear of the extra homework problems he might assign them.

Tai had scribbled down the problem and was halfway through the door before he noticed Matt still at his seat. Sora was swept past him as he turned and swam against the crowd to reach his friend's desk. Casually tossing his math books into his bag, Matt looked up to find the brunette smiling down at him. It was a smile that could only mean he wanted something.

"Man, you are always so slow," Tai joked.

"I just prefer not having to fight my way through crowds," Matt answered him, shouldering his backpack.

"Then you shouldn't have become a musician," Tai laughed.

"Maybe you're right," Matt said softly.

Tai glanced quickly over at this only to find Matt laughing at him. The blue eyes were hidden by his messy blonde hair, but his smirk was quite easy to see.

"Maybe I should be more like you, a soccer ace. I've seen the girls mob you after a game, so you aren't one to talk, ne?"

Embarrassed, Tai placed his hand behind his head and laughed. Somehow, Matt always knew exactly what to tease him with. Of course, Matt was right, he had his fair share of screaming girls trying to tackle him after a winning game.

_Maybe I should ask for a few pointers from him on how to avoid them. For all his screaming fans, I've never seen him actually get caught by one of them. Damn, he distracted me. _

"Did you understand last night's homework?" Tai asked, trying to lead into the favor he wanted. "I tried calling you last night to go over some of the questions, but no one picked up."

"I was out," Matt replied with a careless shrug as he shouldered his backpack. "It was too loud to study at home, so I went to the park."

Tai grimaced sympathetically. Matt had told him about his neighbors before. His apartment was sandwiched between an apartment which housed 4 poor college students who loved to party much more than they liked to study and an apartment with a couple that never seemed to talk to each other in anything quieter than a loud shout. Unfortunately, there wasn't much Matt could do about it. There was no use complaining since Matt's father had told the apartment manager when they moved in that they didn't mind noisy neighbors. It had only made sense since he was always at work and Matt enjoyed playing music. The manager had taken advantage of this and moved all his trouble tenants into the same area of the building. Most of the tenants were happy with the arrangement, after all, they couldn't complain when they were just as loud as everyone else. Matt usually enjoyed the fact that he could play his guitar at all hours of the day or night without worrying about disturbing anyone so he didn't complain about it very often, but it did make it a little hard sometimes to get a little peace and quiet.

"You really shouldn't go out by yourself that late, it's not safe. Not to mention that it's been freezing outside."

"Don't worry, 'okaasan'," Matt teased, as Tai followed him out of the classroom and down the hall to their lockers. "I know how to take care of myself, besides I like the park."

Tai gave up. He knew that Matt would do whatever he wanted to do anyways. With his father always working, Matt had basically raised himself. And as long as he had known him, Matt had gone off by himself when he needed room to think.

"So, about the math homework…."

"Alright," Matt just laughed at his pleading tone, pulling out the books he would need for the weekend from his locker. "Why don't we get together this weekend to work on it?"

"Thanks, Matt," relief colored his answer as he shoved his own books carelessly into his bag. "Why don't we do it tonight? You're coming over, ne?"

"Tonight? I can't. The bands pretty upset that I had to miss the last couple of practices so I'm going to do some serious practice at home tonight."

"That's right," Tai glanced down to see Matt gently rubbing his left hand. "How is your hand now?"

"It's pretty much all healed. I'm just glad it wasn't broken, I would have been out of practice for a couple months, instead of a couple weeks."

"Well, if you would just watch what you were doing," Tai nudged him, "you wouldn't keep doing dumb things like slamming your hand in a door. Klutz."

"Hey, watch who you're calling a klutz. I'm not the one who tripped over my own soccer ball."

"Anyone could have done that," Tai replied indignantly.

"Not while they were looking for said ball," Matt laughed.

Tai just grumbled as he shrugged on his coat. Matt mercifully didn't tease him anymore about it, but silently pulled on his own coat. Looking over at his friend, Tai watched him go through his normal routine.

_I wonder if he even realizes he does it each time. Jacket on, brush imaginary lint from right side and straighten collar. Up goes the backpack, and…wait for it…right hand sweep through hair._

Tai snickered as Matt finished his everyday ritual and turned a questioning eye on his laughing friend.

"What?"

"Nothing," Tai replied through his laughter. "It's nothing. So, tonight, don't forget, the new digi-destined have been meeting at my place every Friday. Tk will be there. You can do homework with me while they have their meeting and then you can head out with Tk."

"Pass," Matt closed his locker and headed towards the school exit. "I think I can do without another round of 'Kari likes me best' between my brother and Davis. You'll have to suffer through it on your own."

"No fair," Tai whined, quickly catching up and passing Matt out in the courtyard in front of the school. "You can always practice later. You know you're just going to come over later to pick Tk up anyways, so why not just come over after school and hang out."

Tai had traveled forward quite a distance chatting with the empty air before he realized that he had left Matt several steps behind him. Stumbling to a halt, he turned to see Matt's blue eyes staring into his.

"What do you mean, I'm 'just going to come over later?'"

"What do you mean, 'what do I mean?'" Tai blinked in confusion. "I know you too well to think that you would just let Tk take the subway to your place by himself that late at night."

"I still don't know what you're talking about," Mat said, his blue eyes hard. "Why would Tk be coming to my apartment tonight?"

Tai took a step towards him, confusion evident on his face. He couldn't understand why Matt seemed to be upset. Kari had been telling him all week about how happy Tk was to be spending the entire weekend with his brother. And from how excited Kari was, he could only imagine how ecstatic Tk was about it.

_Crap, he didn't know. How did he not know? I wonder if it was supposed to be a surprise. Why didn't anyone tell me it was supposed to be a surprise?!?_

"Well, you see…" Tai searched quickly for a way to get out of his slip. "So what songs did you need to practice?"

"Tai, it's no use trying to change the subject. Now just spill it."

Tai sighed in defeat. It was already too late, Matt knew something was up. And Tai knew Matt could be just as stubborn as himself when he wanted to be, especially when it was something concerning his little brother.

"Well, Kari told me, that Tk told her, that he was coming over to spend the whole weekend with you."

Matt just stood silently in front of him as he finished the explanation in a rush. When he was done, Tai posted a winning smile on his face and hoped for the best.

"Don't tell Tk I told you," he explained, "I guess your father arranged it as a surprise."

"He probably did," Matt walked past Tai and said casually over his shoulder. "Tai, you're going to be late to soccer practice."

"Damn," Tai cursed as he looked at his watch, he only had 5 minutes to change and be on the field. "Gotta run!! I'll call you later!"

There was no answer from Matt as he watched his friend's his retreating back as Tai raced off to the locker room.

Once Tai had disappeared around the corner, Matt continued on alone. Unobserved, he went out the main gate and towards the subway station, headed for home.

------later that evening-------

Tai could barely hear the phone ringing in his bedroom over the laughter and arguing in the living room. As per usual, the new group of digi-destined was using his apartment as the location for a strategy meeting. Well, not _his_, in all honesty, since he lived at home with his parents and little sister. And it was for said little sister, Kari, that Tai had the sneaking suspicion as the main reason these meetings were held at his apartment. Wading through the noisy group trying to get to his bedroom, Tai spared a glance at his sister.

_Guess she's not so little anymore. She's 11 now, the same age I was when I first traveled to the digital world. Although I certainly don't remember being as interested in girls then as Tk and Davis seem to be. Makes me wonder how they ever saved the digital world when those two spend so much time vying for Kari's attention. I should be mad at her, the little minx, she's enjoying the attention so much, she isn't doing much to break the deadlock between them. Of course, I could never really be mad at her. Still, I wish she'd just pick one already, their arguing is driving me insane._

Tai finally managed to extricate himself from the group, glad to be away from such juvenile taunts as 'oh yeah, Tb' and 'Let's just see what Kari says, Tp.' Laughing, he closed the bedroom door and grabbed his cell phone just as his voicemail was about to pick up.

"You got the man, what can I do for you?"

Soft laughter came through the receiver at his greeting. "Don't you mean 'da mon'?"

"Matt, shoulda known it'd be you. Tk is still with the others, what's up?"

"Actually, I was calling to talk with Tk. Could you get him for me?"

"Alright," Tai answered slowly, "hold on a minute."

Tai frowned at the phone as he placed it down on the table and started to head back to the other room. He didn't like the tone in Matt's voice, it was too serious. That usually meant Matt was planning something. And, as usual, he wasn't planning on letting Tai in on it. In the last three years, Tai had learned to read Matt fairly well. Heck, they were best friends after all. But he still had the feeling that Matt kept a lot of things to himself. And the longer he was friends with Matt, the angrier he became that his friend was hiding things from him.

"Tk, phone's for you. It's Matt."

"That's Matt for you," Tk laughed, standing up and heading for Tai. "He's probably just checking to see what time I'll be over."

"That's right," Tai said, feigning ignorance. "You're spending the weekend with him, aren't you?"

"Yep," Tk nodded as he grabbed the phone. "It's been awhile since we were able to spend any time together, months at least."

Tai frowned sympathetically as Tk lifted the receiver to his ear. He couldn't imagine not being able to see his sister every day. Not that she couldn't be a pest sometimes, but, still, she was his little sister and he loved her. He was glad that Tk and Matt would have the whole weekend to spend together.

"Hey, Matt, what's up?"

Tai eavesdropped shamelessly to Tk's half of the conversation. After all, they were friends, no secrets here.

"This weekend? I can't wait. You got anything fun planned yet? It's okay if you don't, we can just hang out."

Tai watched Tk's smiling face as he chatted happily with his brother. He was obviously thrilled to spend time with Matt; he was talking so quickly, he didn't leave any room for Matt to get a word in edgewise. When he paused for air, Tai saw his smile slip and then fall completely. For several minutes, Tk simply held the phone and nodded mutely, even though his brother could not see his movements. Tai was puzzled by the sudden change in atmosphere; one moment, Tk was all smiles and happiness, and the next moment he was all gloom and doom.

"I understand," Tk finally said in a subdued voice. "It's alright, we'll just hang out some other time."

Tai felt his anger build up as he saw his friend's disappointed face. The young blonde nodded a couple more times before finally hanging up. For a while the younger boy didn't say anything. Unable to take it any longer, Tai finally decided to break the heavy silence himself.

"Well," Tai drawled, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"It's nothing." Tk mumbled to his feet. "Matt called to tell me he has to cancel our weekend together. He said he's going to be too busy with school work and his band so he doesn't have time this weekend."

"Bullshit," Tai exploded. "That's no excuse. I'm in his classes, I know how much homework he has. It's not so much that he couldn't spend time with you. He's blowing you off."

Silence met his words and Tai started to get a bit suspicious at Tk's lack of defending his brother. Usually the young blonde would leap to his brother's defense if anyone dared to say a word against him.

"Alright, kid," Tai growled, becoming even angrier if possible, "Spill. Has he ditched you before?"

"Yeah," Tk spoke softly, still addressing his shoes, "But he's busy. He can't spend all his time with a tag-a-long."

Tai had had enough. Listening to Tk trying to defend his brother to himself was just too sad. It was times like this that made Tai glad he was known for his quick temper and thoughtless actions. Stepping past Tk, Tai grabbed the phone and dialed a number from memory. It took three rings before his call was answered.

"Hello?" came the confused answer.

"Matt, you jackass, what the hell do you think you're playing at."

"Oh, it's just you, Tai."

"Just me? _Just me!_" Tai was seeing red at Matt's calm reply. "Yeah, it's just me, your _Best Friend_. And I want to know what's up. Tk has been waiting for this weekend, he's been dying to spend time with you, and you _blow him off?!?_ And it's not the first time I gather. What the hell is your _problem_?"

"My problems are my own, Tai. They have nothing to do with you, so just butt out of it. And, in case you've forgotten, Tk is my little brother, not yours."

"Well, it's kinda hard to tell from the way you treat him," Tai could tell he had gotten a rise out of Matt with that. Matt was practically spitting in anger.

"Look, Tai, I don't have to explain myself to you. Tk can't come over this weekend and that's all there is to it."

"So, you really don't want to spend time with your brother?" Tai glanced over to where Tk was standing, listening to the conversation with wide eyes.

"Of course I want to spend time with him, you idiot."

"Great!" Tai pounced on the opening, not letting Matt finish his sentence. "Then why don't you meet us tomorrow."

Tk was beginning to smile as he saw what Tai was doing. Matt had always been a very private person. He never made a lot of friends or even allowed people to get too close to him. That had changed significantly since they had gone to the digital world. He made friends with the other digi-destined, even becoming best friends with Tai. And Tai could get him to do just about anything, whether though wheedling or provocation.

Tk smothered a giggle as he heard the long-suffering sigh come from the receiver.

"Fine, I'll meet you guys tomorrow. Where."

'The Park,' Tk mouthed at Tai.

"Let's meet at the park near my place," Tai nodded in agreement to Tk.

"Man, weren't you the one who said its freezing out? And it's supposed to snow tomorrow, too." Matt whined.

"And you were the one that said you liked the park. It'll be fun, when was the last time you got to play in the snow." Tai laughed at Matt's grumbling.

"Fine, fine. I'll meet you guys at 9 am tomorrow at the park."

Tai gave Tk a silent victory sign and said his goodbyes to Matt.

_It's for your own good, Matt. It's not like you to not want to spend time with your brother. I'm going to find out what's up between you two._

-----tbc

Wow, haven't written a chapter this angst free in a long time. I think I needed it.

Since people take the time to read and give me encouragement, I find it is only fair to respond to them. So I will always include a reviewer thanks section.

**Special Thanks to:**

**Fey Phantom:** Thank you for the light ;) it was a great way to start a new story. Yamatto is definitely my favorite character too. He seems so deep and has a fair amount of emotional baggage from how he acts in the show. That makes him more fun to play with. I hope you had fun, and that you enjoy this chapter when you get back.

**Takato the dreamer: **Hands out tissue. I know you don't need it for this chapter, but stick around, I'm sure to make you cry again.

**DragonBlade: **yep, sad, but hopefully good. More to come. I never write what I don't intend to finish.

**Birdboy2000:** I agree with you. I know that Masaharu is a good guy, and that it is a bit cliché in the fanfic world to make him the villain, but…every story needs a bad guy and since I'm writing it for the humans and not the digimon, I needed a human bad guy. Besides, there is no worse bad guy than a person who is supposed to love and protect you and instead destroys you. I hope you enjoy the story despite it's clichéd bad guy.

**Blondie121147: **I'm glad you enjoyed the letter. It was hard to get it just write. I wanted to make it a bit vague and still give away the basic knowledge of his pain. Plus, he's pretty young, so it had to be a hard letter for him to write.

**Sen-Tay: **Hope the wait wasn't too long, I will update, but speed right now is not something I'm very good at. Be patient, I vill be back ;)

**YamatoFangirl: **Wow, great praise. There will be more. Some very angsty, some very light. Stick around.

**Yakari Taito:** I seem to be making everyone cry. But since that is what I was aiming for. Yatta!!

**LaDiNi: **Thanks for checking out my new story. I'm not the biggest digimon fan, but I do love Matt. I hope you don't find the story too disturbing. Well, it'll be disturbing, but hopefully you'll weather it okay. (sorry for the email, I know you know what I mean. I'm feeling better now. As much as I can be.)

**Ice Demon: **Thanks. 'intricate art' I'm so happy. That is a beautiful compliment. I try very hard to write a deep story, I'm so happy when it's appreciated.

**Moi: **Thanks for the review. I will keep working hard. Keep reviewing as a reward? Thanks!

**Life's Scar: **starts CPR I can't have you dying so early in the story (love your name by the way) I know this chapter was tamer (pun noticed too late and left because it is too pitiful) but I hope you stick around, it's just the beginning after all.

**Spazattack: **_laughs _hmm…having Matt die..that would be an interesting twist…hmmm…I do love interesting twists ;)

**Syaoran-Lover: **Thanks for the review. I do seem to be picking up a lot of readers from my other story. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed the prologue, there will be more I promise. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

**Kai the Ruthless Blader: **_on the floor giggling hopelessly _Very encouraging, now please put the blowtorch down ;) I think you must be psychic, the story is all about the letters and the brothers. Do you think I'm mean enough to just kill Matt and leave the letters lying undiscovered? I'm not that cruel. Of course, the question of whether they are found in time is another level of evil altogether ;) we'll see…

**Random Kyuubi: **Gomen. While there will be brotherly love and angst, this will not be a Yamakeru. That's a ralationship I can't quite see. I hope you enjoy the story, even if it isn't shonen ai ;)

Thanks again to all readers, even those who don't review ;P Please stick around, I'll post again when I'm able.


	3. Falling Farther Away

**Disclaimer: **I wonder, would I really be sued if I conveniently 'forgot' the disclaimer? _sees lawyers panting at the sidelines _Alright already. I don't own any animes, any characters, or any songs. I do own my angsty story and the warped mind that insisted I write this ;)

**Warning: **Another pretty light chapter. _Laughs _I'm sure you are all panting for blood about now, so I included a little (a very little) Just another day in the lives of the unaware.

**Author's Note: **_hmmm_ It's amazing. Matt is my favorite character (isn't it obvious by the way I torture him?), but oddly enough, I don't seem to be writing much in his view point. I guess I inherently knew how I was going to write this. Don't worry, there will be plenty of Matt and Matt angst, but you'll only see his true feelings in his letters. Like his friends, you will be treated to the mask he presents for the rest of the time. I hope that makes sense.

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter III: Falling Farther Away**

Keep it inside, the image portrayed  
As if I couldn't stand losing, as if I couldn't be saved, no way  
A small confession, I think I'm starting to lose it  
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need

- 'Still Frame,' by Trapt

Loud talking and laughter filled the living room. It wasn't surprising, considering the room was packed with seven active children and six hyper digimon. What was surprising was how long the group had managed to remain focused on their meeting, Tai had expected them to drop any seriousness within the first thirty minutes. They had lasted a full hour before the meeting had dissolved into small talk and discussions about plans for the weekend, which had taken up the last two hours.

Tai had spent most of the time quietly observing the new digi-destined. Quiet wasn't his normal behavior, but he took a lot of pride in the new team and liked to watch how its dynamics were changing. Kari, his little sister, was, of course, seated between Tk and Davis. It was a peace-making position she had long ago taken. It didn't stop Davis and Tk from arguing, but it seemed to calm the brunette boy down a bit. He was pretty happy as long as he was next to her. Cody was sitting beside Tk with his digimon in his arms. Cody reminded Tai a lot of Izzy. He was a very smart kid, but seemed a bit unsure of himself. Tai was happy to see that he was talking a bit with the others, gaining a bit more confidence in himself and his friendship with them.

Sitting opposite of them was Ken and Yolie. Yolie was chatting away blissfully with Kari. Tai was really happy that there was another girl in the group. He hated to think of how things would have been if Kari had been stuck as the lone girl with the guys. His little sister may be Light, but even she would have probably been driven to kill one of the idiots. Ken sat nearby, but a little bit back. As if he still wasn't sure of his place. His digimon, Wormmon, sat next to him, his small green head against his leg. It was a position meant to lend comfort, but Tai couldn't help wonder who was comforting whom at the time.

"Aww, how can it already be ten o'clock," Davis' loud voice roused Tai from his contemplation.

"Wow, time sure passes when you're having fun, ne?" Yolie smiled as she looked over at the clock that Davis was staring at.

"We better be going," Cody was always serious. "If I don't get home soon, Mother will get worried."

As the kids started getting up and gathering up their things Tai noticed a small frown on Tk's face. He thought he knew why and had already planned what to do to fix the problem. Thankfully, his mother had consented without any questions.

_And everybody says I'm no good at planning._

"Hey, Tk," Tai grabbed Tk's bag from his hands. "I got that. I'll just go toss it in my room for ya."

Tk looked a bit confused, but didn't get a chance to voice his confusion before Davis realized what was happening.

"Hey!! Why does Td get to stay here? He's just going to try to put the moves on my girl!"

Kari had also been confused when Tai first spoke, her own small mouth tightening into a frown. She knew that Tk was supposed to go to Matt's place for the weekend, now she knew something was wrong. Quickly she brushed the frown off her face and followed her brother's lead. Even though she knew her brother had many faults, she trusted that he had a plan and was only trying to help Tk.

"It's no problem, Davis," She said with a winning smile. "I'm going to be spending the night with Yolie. Ne, Yolie?"

The last part was said with entreating eyes to Yolie. No one would ever claim that Yolie wasn't a smart cookie, she caught on immediately.

"Of course, you are," she nodded emphatically. "Can I borrow your phone?"

Davis had stopped listening after the first sentence and was now busy alternately verbally taunting and sticking his tongue out at Tk.

_And no one would ever claim that __Davis__ had a clue._

Tai snickered under his breathe as his sister led Yolie to the kitchen where his mom was. Within moments they had returned, Kari with permission to go and Yolie with permission to have a sleep-over. Tai sighed happily as another disaster was averted.

The chatting and laughing was carried to the hallway where the five children were slipping on their shoes and grabbing up their things.

"I'll walk you three home," Ken's soft voice rose above the noise.

Yolie blushed happily at that statement and giggled excitedly in Kari's general directions.

"Oh, no, Ken. You don't have to do that. Isn't it too much trouble?"

"It's no problem," Ken deflected Kari's concern, "it's on my way to the station."

_Sure, it's on your way…if you weren't going home, maybe. Still, I'm not going to point that out. I'm happy he's going to look out for Kari, Yolie, and Cody. Let's face it, it's not that safe out there. Cody's still pretty young and girls are just natural targets for strange perverts. I'll definitely feel better knowing someone's watching out for them._

"Wait a minute," Davis jumped in, not one to be left out, "I was going to walk them home."

"Two gallant knights," Kari easily deflected yet another potential fight. "What more could a girl ask for."

"I don't need any 'knights,'" Cody grumbled under his breath.

"Maybe not," Ken smiled gently, "But since you live in the same building as Yolie, I guess you'll just have to put up with us."

Cody simply shouldered his bag that held his small digimon and headed out the door.

"Hey, wait for us!"

The gaggle of children seemed to almost fall out the door as they continued talking and laughing with each other. Tai smiled as he watched them go, but lost his smile when he heard the soft sigh behind him.

"Thanks, Tai, I really didn't want to go home and tell mom that Matt canceled our weekend together. You're sure your mom won't mind?"

"It's no problem. I cleared it with her when I went for more snacks earlier. Besides, who said your weekend plans were canceled? We're going to get everything straightened out with your idiot brother in the morning."

"Sure," Tk felt his lips forming a smile at Tai's confident grin.

"I see everyone's left," Tai's mother peeked around the door leading to the kitchen. She was pretty good about staying clear and letting the kids have space when they held their meetings.

"Yep, just me and Tk."

"That's good. We're glad to have you Tk. Why don't you boys go to bed and I'll clean up."

"Don't worry about it, mom. We're not tired so we'll clean up and you can get some rest."

Tai knew he wouldn't be able to sleep and really wanted to speak to Tk alone, so he made the impromptu offer. His mother smiled at the idea, her son wasn't usually so helpful about cleaning up around the apartment and there was no way she was going to miss this opportunity.

"Alright, if you insist."

With a small wave and a smile, she headed off to bed, leaving the boys to straighten up. Tai waited until she shut her bedroom door before he started gathering up empty plates and glasses. Tk followed along behind him, grabbing those he missed. They worked in companionable silence at first. Simply moving back and forth, bringing empty dishes to the kitchen and straightening out the living room. Tai allowed the silence to go on until he saw the light beneath his mother's door go off. With a nod towards the kitchen, Tai motioned for Tk to follow him.

_Alright, kid, now we're going to get some answers._

Turning on the facet to mask their conversation, Tai filled the sink with soapy water and began to attack the mound of dirty dishes in the sink.

"Grab a towel, kid and make yourself useful," He tossed over his shoulder.

Tk snatched up a towel from the rack and silently joined him at the sink. Tai handed him the first clean glass along with his first question.

"So how long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?" Tk asked innocently, drying the glass in his hand and carefully setting it down.

"Cut the crap. You know what I'm talking about. How long has Matt been avoiding you?"

Tai watched as Tk silently thought over his answer, holding his hand out to receive another clean glass. With a final rinse, Tai handed the over the glass he had been working on as he quizzed Tk

"Would it sound strange to say, I don't know?" Tk asked as he took the glass from Tai.

"Yes," Tai answered bluntly, plunging his hands into the soapy water to vigorously wash a plate. "Care to explain that answer?"

"It's hard to explain…" Tk trailed off, his eye downcast as he saved the plate from Tai's overenthusiastic scrubbing.

Tai relinquished the plate and scooped up another helpless piece of dishware. He let the silence lengthen this time, giving Tk time to find an adequate way to explain his answer.

"I guess I first started to see it about three months ago, but I just didn't notice it at the time. That still sounds odd, ne? Maybe it's better to work backwards…."

Tk paused to take a plate from Tai and continued to try to explain.

"About three weeks ago, I noticed that Matt hadn't been over to have dinner with mom and me in a while. I invited him over, but he said he couldn't do it, he said he had band practice. I didn't think much about it at the time, but when I asked him again, he said no again, this time it was 'too much homework.' I admit I felt a little hurt. I guess I'm a bit spoiled, Matt almost always comes if I ask."

Tai nodded encouragingly and rinsed another plate, his hands falling into an unthinking rhythm as he listened.

"I felt stupid and selfish about feeling upset and I told myself that it couldn't have been that long since he last came over. But then I really thought about it, and I realized that I couldn't even remember the last time he had come over to visit mom and me. It took me a while, but I finally figured it out. It had been over a month and a half since his last visit."

"A month and a half? But you said it had been 3 months."

"I know," Tk sighed, setting down another glass. "You see, after sitting and thinking about it for a bit, I realized that in the last few months his visits were getting fewer and fewer. I hadn't noticed right away, because he was still walking me home from school everyday. He'd walk me to my apartment and make one easily understandable excuse after another for why he couldn't come up."

"I never minded though," Tk said with a smile, "I was just happy to be able to spend the time with him."

"He liked it too," Tai smiled back at him. "When he first tested into my school, he told me that one of the reasons he did so was because it was closer to you. He would usually spend the afternoon watching my soccer practice so he could waste time until your school let out."

"I know," Tk's smile became a bit sad after Tai's reply. "So tell me, Tai, when did he stop staying for soccer practice?"

"What?" Tai was a bit confused at Tk's sudden apparent change in topic. Turning away from the sink, he leaned against it with his soapy arms crossed and looked in askance at Tk.

"I didn't notice the excuses he started giving me for not walking me home either. Not until I realized that he had stopped altogether."

"Did you notice when he had stopped coming to watch your soccer practices?" Tk asked again.

"I don't know," Tai's reply was soft and hesitant.

"See, it's not that strange of an answer, is it."

Tai turned back to the sink, trying to get a clear picture in his mind of when he had last seen Matt at practice. Tk understood his silence. After all, he had been in the exact same position not too long ago. He was willing to wait for Tai to sort things out on his own.

_That's strange. Why didn't I notice? It just didn't seem that strange when he didn't come to practice as often. He's a popular guy, plays in a band, has homework like anyone else. Why would I have noticed or thought it strange that he had something else to do? I wonder if those 'things he had to do' where all just made up, some kind of excuse? But why?_

Tai started to backtrack his memories, trying to answer the same question he had put to Tk. _How long has this been going on?_

"Tk, I think we've missed something here," Tai's eyes grew wide as he re-examined his memories closely.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought this was something personal. Some kind of fight or such between you two brothers, but I think I was wrong. I think it's about all of us."

Tk frowned at this. He didn't like the idea of Matt being angry or avoiding him, but he liked the idea of Matt being upset with everyone even less.

"Look at it from a wider perspective," Tai tried to explain the feelings behind his idea. "When was the last time he spent time with any of us?"

"Well, we all went to his concert last weekend. And then there was Sora's recital, he came to support her."

"No, I mean the last time he just had fun with us; went to the movies, had a picnic with us in the park, or even had dinner with anyone. The only time he hangs out with any of us is when we need him or when we go to support him."

_It's strange that I can vividly recall all the times he's been there to help us out, but I can't recall the last time I just goofed off with him. There was the time when __Davis__ accidentally bumped into Izzy and knocked his laptop into the pool. Izzy freaked out because he hadn't printed his English paper yet. Matt didn't know anything about computers, but he stayed up all night helping Izzy. He helped take it apart, dry it out, and reassemble it so Izzy could get his English paper off the hard drive. I couldn't believe it when it actually worked. Then there was the time he let Joe play Doctor with him._

Tai almost laughed at the memory. Most kids would giggle and blush at the hidden innuendo behind the classic excuse of 'playing doctor.' Joe took it to a whole new level.

_I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up. When Joe wants to play doctor, he really means it! Poor Matt had every limb splinted and so many dressings around his head, all you could see were his eyes. But he never complained, not even when we all laughed at him. He just said 'Good job with the First Aid, Joe. Now could you get me out of this, I'm going to have to use the bathroom _sometime_ tonight.'_

"What?" Tk had noticed the smile on Tai's face and couldn't hold in his curiosity.

"Just remembering 'Mummy Matt.' He even walked like a mummy with those splints on his legs."

Tk giggled in reply. He had also been there to see Joe's handiwork. Of course, Matt had always let Joe practice on him anytime he fell or injured himself. Joe had once jokingly offered to give Matt his card. He had laughed, saying that with Matt's constant clumsiness, he wouldn't need any other patients. Matt had laughed with everyone else, saying he'd have to consider the offer.

Tai looked back at the soapy water in front of him, relieved that he was almost done. He picked up the last glass and began scrubbing it furiously. Despite the pleasant memories, they had only served to point something out to him. Now he was really getting mad.

"You know what this means, don't you, Tk?" Tai continued to rub the already clean glass. "He's avoiding all of us. Just brushing us off. And worse than that, we didn't even notice."

Tk nodded thoughtfully at that. Tai was right, Matt only seemed to be giving them a token friendship. He didn't seem to actually want to spend time with them, he was just doing it under obligation.

"And it's been going on much longer than just three months."

Tai felt his anger rise up at the deception his friend had been playing on them. His hand tightened reflexively, but he didn't notice until the shards of the broken glass cut into his palm. He looked down in surprise at the blood welling up in his hand.

"Hold still," Tk had heard the glass shatter and had immediately come to Tai's side. "Here, sit down I'll get the glass out."

After making sure there was no glass left in the wound, Tk made a hasty bandage with the towel. Tai sat quietly under his ministrations, but inwardly he seethed.

_No more worthless excuses, Matt. You're going to tell me everything tomorrow._

--------tbc

Not too happy with this one, but it needed to be there. Don't worry, everyone, Matt will return in force in the next chapter. Plus, the fifth chapter will be another letter from Matt. (you'll just have to wonder if you will be the only ones reading it ;P)

I hope I'm not losing readers with these lighter chapters. The angst is there, but only the readers will truly understands it.

Now for the fun part….

**Special Thanks to:**

**CharmedBookworm**** aka Kai the Ruthless Blader:** You know, for a charmed bookworm, you're quite blood-thirsty. How can you expect me to update when I don't have my intestines? _Laughs _I do love the new name by-the-way. Thank you for the praise. I'm glad that this fic is living up to the same great praise as **World So Cold.** I'm proud of them both (as much as an author can be).

**Yakari**** Taito:** Sorry for the long delay. I'm going to try to alternate my posting between this story and my other one. That way, hopefully readers for both of them will be satisfied. Don't worry about me not continuing this one though. I never write what I don't intend to finish. Plus, I never write unless I already know how things will end. ;)

**Syaoran****-Lover:** _grins happily _I'm glad this is one of your favorites. I promise I'll answer all your questions, but you'll have to wait and read them. Although, the answer to why doesn't Matt want to see Tk is an easy one. I'll give you a hint, what is Matt always doing? (easy, ne?) Ja ne!

**YamatoFangirl**_laughs _I thought it was blood and guts that made people ill, not laughter and totally clueless morons. I know, I know, this chapter was way too angst free as well, ne? Don't think of it as angst-free, think of it as angst-hidden. It's all there, but the kids just don't see it. ;P

**blondie121147:** Yeah, poor Tk, he's totally clueless. It's got to be hard for him to see his brother pulling away, but not know why. Boy, I hope he figures it out soon, don't you ;)

**Amanda: **Thank you so much! Such a pretty review. I'm glad you like the letter. I plan on two more before the story is finished. The first letter was what inspired the story. It popped in my head and started wailing for attention. I just couldn't let it cry without letting others see it too. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Matte ne!

**Dannee****-san:** Yep, Matt angst seems all the rage, but we demented authors just can't help it. He is just a misunderstood boy begging for understanding. That's why we torture him, so that we can create that understanding in others. (too weird?) The answer to whether or not the others will finally figure it out is still pending, stick around to find out if they remain ever clueless, or if one of them will develop some miraculous insight.

**Fey Phantom: **want to know a secret _whispers conspiratorially _I like math too. My calculus teacher used to invite all of us over to his house to study before a test. We always had a blast. _Laughs _As for the story, I am getting a bit nostalgic myself. It's kind of nice to write a little lighter fair once and a while. (especially since **World So Cold** has been so dark recently) I threw in comment about playing in the snow on a whim last chapter, but I like the idea of a snowball fight, now that you've planted it in my head. I don't know if I'll be able to fit it in, but I may just try ;)

**Yamatoforever**You got it! My hidden angst clues. They weren't that subtle this time were they _laughs _I already know the ending to the story, and I'm afraid to say I don't plan to compromise on it. I'm not sure yet how you guys will like it though, so I'm a bit anxious. We'll just see how the ending comes when it gets here ;)

**Kayla: O.O** Such high praise. Arigatou!! I wanted the letter to be simple, but speak from the heart. It sounds like it worked J I'm glad you are enjoying the story and the suspense I am holding the other characters in. This fic shouldn't be too long. I'm not sure of the chapter count yet, but it won't be nearly as long as my other one, so the suspense shouldn't kill anyone here (hopefully) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, too, and that you'll come back for the next one.

Thanks to everyone who read, even those who didn't drop a line. Please don't forget to leave a little light on your way out. I promise the next chapter will be full of fun, a fight, some blood spilt, and lots of angst!) Catch ya next time!!!


	4. What I Really Meant to Say

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anime. Don't own fabulous, fantastic, awesome songs that I am shamelessly plugging for purely the benefit of sharing these glorious and spectacular songs with others _Do you think the bands will sue me when I'm promoting them?_

**Warning: **The everyday mundane lives of the unaware are about to be shattered. There will be a fight, blood, a little cursing. (And a dark scene that was hard to write and may be hard to read. It is meant to be vivid, I hope it turns out well)

**Author's Note: **Matt is back. I hope everyone likes his return and the consequences of his brother's and friend's actions to try to reach him. The next chapter will be Matt's second letter. Hopefully it won't take long to put together.

Enjoy!

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter IV: What I Really Meant To Say**

I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me

I never really wanted you to go  
So many things that you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold

- 'Cold,' by Crossfade

True to Matt's prediction, the next morning was cold. A snowstorm had passed in the night, leaving a blanket of the soft ice a foot deep on the ground. Luckily, the park's grounds keeper had already made his rounds and swept the main paths free of the white powder. With the trail swept clear, all the two boys walking in the park had to worry about was the cold. Each was bundled up with an overcoat, snow shoes, and warm gloves on their hands.

Tk had been anxious to see Matt and, despite staying up late, had woken Tai up at the crack of dawn to go to the park. Despite all Tk's efforts to leave earlier, they hadn't left his apartment until around eight fifteen. Tai hadn't resisted Tk's urging, at least not much. He was just as anxious to see his friend, he wanted to find out just what Matt was up to. He felt that it was way past time for Matt to come clean with him. Since the park wasn't very far away, they were there before they knew it. They were now walking the clean paths, enjoying the still beauty of the frozen morning.

"You know, Tk, you really could have let me finish breakfast."

Looking at his watch, Tai found that they still had roughly thirty minutes to kill before Matt was supposed to show. Seeing how anxious Tk looked as he thought about his brother, Tai decided to lighten the mood with some good old-fashioned grumbling.

"Finish?" Tk laughed, "You had three helpings."

"Hey, I'm a growing boy."

"Just because Matt says you'll never grow up doesn't mean you should compensate by growing out."

Tai laughed good-naturedly and brushed the snow off one of the park benches with a gloved hand. Sitting down, he watched as Tk paced back and forth anxiously awaiting his brother. Tired of just watching Tk fret, Tai flexed his right hand. Opening and closing the blue gloved fingers, Tai could feel the bandages under the blue glove where he had cut his palm the night before. He was almost thankful for the dull throbbing coming from his hand, it acted as a distraction from his current thoughts. As concerned as Tai was for Matt, right now he was more worried about Tk.

"So how ya doing, kid?"

"I'm fine," Tk answered distractedly, still pacing.

"Riiight, and I'm a digimon. I've known you since you were 8, Tk, you've never been able to lie to me. How are you?"

"Honestly? I'm angry with myself. He's my big brother and I never had a clue about what he was doing."

"You can't blame yourself," Tai said, looking up at him, "You know how he is, he always has to be so strong, the lone wolf. Sometimes I think he'd literally die if he had to let someone in, he just can't do it."

"I know that, Tai," Tk's voice was loud with frustration. "It just makes me so mad. Mad at myself…mad at him."

Tai kept his mouth shut. He understood that Tk didn't need his reassurances, he just needed to vent his feelings out loud. There was definitely more bothering Tk about the situation than he let on.

"Man, he's good," Tk looked away from Tai, speaking quietly under his breath. "He's so good at keeping himself apart, nobody even noticed. He's been acting just like he did before we went to the digital world. I just don't know what to do about it."

"Before the digital world, you guys didn't see much of each other, right?"

"Yea, sometimes he'd come visit me and mom, but he never invited me over to visit him. But it was different after the digital world, he was always coming over to visit me. I even went and visited him and dad a few times. It was great, I really felt like I had my big brother back. I just don't understand why he's changing back to the way he was."

"Well, considering all the possibilities we came up with yesterday, I think the only way we're going to get the real answer is from your brother."

The two boys had stayed up until almost three in the morning trying to figure out what might have prompted Matt's strange behavior. Despite all their talking, they hadn't found any real answers. They hadn't even been able to pin-point exactly when Matt had started withdrawing from them. If they couldn't get any real answers from Matt today, their only other option was to talk with the other digi-destined and see if they could come up with some answers as a group.

_I hate the idea of talking about Matt behind his back, but I don't know what else we can do. I think we went over every possibility, even alien abduction._

"He's fallen in with a bad crowd, he's started taking drugs, he's joined a cult," Tk started ticking off some of the ideas they had come up with on his fingers.

"Don't forget the possibility that he just doesn't like us anymore."

"Tai, that's not funny."

"I didn't mean it to be funny. I hate the fact that he won't open up to us. Let me tell you, Tk, your brother is seriously starting to tick me off. He thinks he can just avoid us and no one is going to do anything?"

Tk was silent as Tai fumed for a moment on the bench.

"Well, I'll show him," Tai jumped up from the bench, assuming his patented 'I'm the Leader' pose. "You and me, buddy, we're going to show him what being a friend really means. We'll make him tell us what's going on. He'll never know what hit him."

Tk laughed at Tai's enthusiastic plan. He was feeling better about everything since he had talked with Tai about it. Between the two of them, Matt would have to open up a little. Besides, he knew that if anyone could get Matt to do something he didn't want to, it would be Tai.

Tai laughed along with Tk and dropped his pose. His first mission was accomplished; cheering up TK. Now on to step two; getting answers from Matt.

_Hmmm…where is he anyways. It's already after nine, he should have been here thirty minutes ago. If he was going to be late, he could have at least called us._

"I wonder where he is," Tai turned to the younger blonde. "He's late."

"Maybe he's just being fashionably late?" Tk teased.

"Fashionable or not, he better have a good excuse."

Seeing that Tai was starting to get angry again, Tk scanned the park hoping for some sign of his brother. Matt had already done enough to make Tai mad, Tk didn't want more fuel on the fire. To his relief, he could see a slender figure trudging up the path towards them.

"Matt!" Tk smiled happily, engulfing him in a hug when he finally reached them at the park bench.

Matt allowed his brother's embrace, but didn't return it. He only gave his brother a small smile that seemed to hover between a grin and a grimace. Feeling the slight tremors running through Matt's body, Tk released his brother and stepped back to look him over.

Matt looked as if the cold was really affecting him. Then again, he didn't really seem to have dressed for it. He wore black slacks and a thin, black turtleneck sweater. His only concession to the cold was a long, black coat that he hugged to himself. His face seemed paler than usually and he couldn't seem to calm his shivering.

"Hey," the greeting was as small as the smile.

"Hey, mon," Tai greeted Matt as he came up beside Tk. "You're late."

"But that's okay." Tk was eager to maintain the peace. Plus, seeing how cold Matt looked, he was anxious to get him somewhere warmer. "I guess you were right, Matt, it is too cold today to hang out outside. Let's go find a coffee shop and get some hot cocoa."

"Sure," Matt smiled a little more earnestly and pulled his coat tighter around himself. "A coffee shop sounds perfect."

"Hey, Matt," Tai put his hand on Matt's shoulder, not willing to let him off as easily as Tk seemed to be doing. "Before we go, perhaps you could tell us _why_ you're late."

"That really is none of your business." Matt turned away, brushing Tai's hand off of his shoulder.

Tk winced slightly as he saw Tai's temper flare. _Tai hates it when Matt does that. Geez, Matt, couldn't you be a little more polite. This is not going to help anything._

"Idiot, of course it's my business. You're late to meet up with me and Tk. I think we deserve an explanation and an apology."

"Fine," Matt glanced back at Tai briefly. "Sorry, I was late. Traffic was a bitch."

Tk would have giggled at Matt's flippant response if he hadn't been so concerned with his brother's recent behavior. It seemed Matt had decided to fight Tai's stubborn prying with complete indifference. He had already turned away, as if he expected them to follow him as he led the way to the coffee shop located right outside of the park.

"Fine," Tai seethed, looking for a new way to get answers out of the recalcitrant boy. "Don't tell me why."

Tk was torn. Looking back and forth between his brother's slowly departing back and Tai, who was standing in place fuming, he just wasn't sure what to do next. Tai made the decision for him, though, when he scooped up a handful of snow and sent it after Matt.

"Instead, why don't you explain why you suck as a big brother."

_Uh-oh…_Tk took a couple steps back from both boys. The conversation had just taken a nose-dive. If there was anything that could piss off his brother more than being called a bad brother, Tk didn't know what it was. _In the style of any good western…'Them's fightin' words'_

Whether it was the insult or the snowball to the back of his head, or more importantly his hair, Matt was definitely reaching his own limit. Matt turned abruptly and stalked up to his friend. Tai managed to pelt him with two more snowballs, one in the leg and the other to the left side of his chest, before they were standing nose to nose. Tai could see the anger glittering in his cold, blue eyes, but he refused to back down and stared into Matt's eyes with his own challenge.

"So, are you going to tell me what your problem is?"

The two boys continued to glare at one another, neither giving an inch. Tk was starting to get worried, usually there was a brief fight, a couple punches thrown, and then everything went back to normal. But today seemed different and Tk didn't know why. In the end, it was Matt who broke the stalemate. Breaking the mutual glare, Matt turned away to look at Tk and absently brushed at the few, scattered snowflakes on the right side of his jacket.

"You are just one of many," Matt finally answered, pushing Tai away from him. "I think it's better if I just go. See ya around, little bro."

"Wait, Matt…" Tk tried to quickly find a reason to convince Matt to stay.

But Tai was done with reasoning and took the more direct approach. This time when he reached for Matt's shoulder, he didn't stop there. Instead, he forcibly spun Matt around and slammed a fist into his abdomen.

"I'm tired of all this 'Lone Wolf' crap. It's time you and me had a little chat."

"Bastard, you insist I come, insult me, and hit me. We have nothing to 'chat' about," Matt yelled in Tai's face, trying to shove the brunette boy away from him.

Tai was having none of that. He shook Matt until he practically rattled, all the while hollering at him.

"Oh no you don't. Tk and I figured you out." Matt didn't have a ready comeback for that and instead just stared with wide eyes at Tai as he continued to be shaken. "We know that you have been avoiding us, all of us. What we want to know is why!"

_Something's wrong. Matt is never this passive with Tai. Usually he would have struck back at him by now._

Still getting no answer, Tai snapped a second punch at Matt's stomach. This time Matt responded with a strike of his own. He caught Tai in the face with a right hook that forced Tai to release his hold. Matt staggered back against the nearby lamp post as Tai fell backwards onto his butt in the middle of the cold trail. Both boys were breathing rapidly, their breath showing as short puffs of frozen air.

"I told you already," Matt panted, leaning heavily on the lamp post. "This doesn't have anything to do with you. If you won't accept that, then I don't have anything more to say to you."

As Matt stumbled away from them holding his coat tightly about himself, Tk looked down at where Tai lay sprawled on the snow dusted trail. For a moment, Tk was at a loss of what to do. All the plans he and Tai had made to get Matt to open up to them had been completely blown apart. He felt a strange idea tickle the back of his mind and slowly he began to understand what went wrong. Tk had a sinking suspicion that, while things may not have gone the way he and Tai had planned, they had been right on track for Matt.

"Tai?" Tk asked distractedly, "Why did we want to see Matt today?"

"What? What do you mean, 'why?' You know why."

"Just humor me," Tk's voice was serious.

"We wanted to talk to him about why he wasn't spending time with us."

"Right. And why did you get mad and fight with him?"

"Because the stupid jerk was over thirty minutes late and didn't feel that he owed us an explanation or anything," Tai huffed angrily.

"And now…?"

"Now?" Tai was a bit confused about where the conversation was leading.

"And now," Tk answered his own question as he watched Matt exit the park's gate, "now he isn't spending time with us."

Tai took a minute to mull over what Tk had said. It didn't take him long to realize that it had been his fault that Matt had left.

"I'm sorry, Tk, I screwed up," Tai ducked his head, flushing with shame.

"What?" Confused, Tk turned back and saw how upset Tai was. "No, Tai, you don't understand. It wasn't your fault, not really. Matt planned this, he manipulated you into the fight."

"But I was the one who started it."

"No, he provoked you." Tk reassured Tai. "Have you ever considered why Matt has the Crest of Friendship? I have. I think it's because he is so good at seeing a person, inside and out. He understands that everyone is different and knows that a true friend is aware and considerate of those differences. For example, if Mimi were sad about something, he'd lend her a shoulder to cry on. If it were Joe, he'd give him space, but be available whenever Joe was ready to talk. And if it were you, he'd provoke an argument because he knows that when you feel emotionally overloaded, you like to work through it physically. I know, I've seen him do it before."

"But I didn't want to fight him this time, so why would you think he was provoking me?"

"He knows your strengths and weaknesses. He knows what buttons to push to get you started. For some reason he doesn't want to talk to us, so he provoked you into fighting him so he could leave without causing us to be suspicious."

"Damn, he is good," Tai was so amazed with Tk's conclusions that he didn't notice how cold his butt was getting because of the frozen ground. "But not as good as you are it seems. Well, I for one don't plan on letting him get away with this. He won't trick me the same way again. I'll get him to tell me what's been going on."

Tk extended his hand to help Tai to his feet. He was surprised, though, when in mid-reach Tai suddenly pulled his hand away from Tk. Tai held his hand in front of himself with his palm towards Tk and stared at it with a deep frown on his face.

"There's no way I'm going to let him get away now," Tai turned his hand so that Tk could see what he was looking at. "He's hurt and I want to know how!"

Tk's eyes widened in shock when he saw a dark, rust colored smear across the knuckles of Tai's right hand. He knew that it wasn't Tai's blood, he had cut himself on his palm the night before. That meant that the blood had to have come from Matt.

_I know I didn't hit him that hard. Not enough to cause him to bleed. Damn it! I shouldn't have hit him. I just wanted to talk to him. Why wouldn't he tell me something was wrong? Why wouldn't he tell me that he was hurt?_

"Come on," Tk looked frantically towards where he had seen Matt's form disappear. "We have to find him fast!"

"You're right, but this time we have to be more careful. No matter what, we need to remain calm and get him to talk to us. Let's get him back to my place and confront him there. At the very least, between the two of us, we stop him from leaving and see where he's hurt."

Tk nodded a quick agreement and pulled Tai to his feet. They practically flew through the park, passing through the exit in no time. Tk led the way as they continued their chase down the quiet street. He was fairly sure that Matt would be heading for the nearby train station. After they turned a few corners, Tk was relieved to see Matt walking not too far in front of them. Matt was walking slowly with his head down and his arms firmly wrapped around himself to ward against the cold.

"Matt!" Tk wasted no time getting to his brother's side.

Tai was right behind him, but when they finally came up beside Matt neither of them made any move to get too close. They were hesitant to do anything that might cause Matt to take off again.

"What is it, Tk?" Matt asked with a sigh.

"Please don't go," Tk pleaded. "I never get to spend time with you anymore. I miss my big brother."

_Whoa, Tk's fighting dirty. He knows Matt can't resist his 'please, big bro' eyes._

"I guess I could stay," Matt answered sending a challenge towards Tai, "If Tai will admit he was wrong."

_What the hell!!! There is _no way _I would say that. It's you, Matt, that's being the jerk._

Tai opened his mouth to send a sharp retort back at Matt when he saw Tk's eye pleading at him.

_Shit, he almost got me again. Well, two can play at this game, and I can play just as dirty as Tk. _

"I want to apologize to you, Matt," Tai quickly recovered his composure, giving a good semblance of being penitent. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset about something so stupid. You were right, it's not my business why you were late."

Matt looked at him with suspicion easily seen in his eyes, but couldn't say anything against Tai's seemingly earnest apology. Instead, he just nodded in acknowledgement.

"So you see, Matt, you don't have to go." Tk did his best imitation of puppy eyes. "You did say you would spend some time with us today."

"But it's too cold out." Matt stated.

"No prob!" Tai was quick to stop any potential excuses. "We're just a few blocks from my apartment. Come on, we can make something hot to drink. Besides, you did promise to help me with my math homework. I really need your help with it, I don't want to fail."

_Ha! Let's see you get out of that. I know you would do anything not to break a promise. I also know you hate not being able to help a friend in need. You've met your match, Ishida Yamato._

Matt looked hesitantly back and forth between his brother and his best friend before letting another soft sigh escape his lips.

"Fine, I guess I did promise. Alright, let's go."

Tai gave Tk a small victory sign behind Matt's back as they turned to go back to the apartment. The walk was uneventful. Matt didn't say much, only responding when Tk made an innocuous comment or question.

When they got to the apartment, Tai let them in with his key and immediately saw that there was no one else at home. The boys paused in the front hall to take off their outdoor wear so the melting snow wouldn't create puddles in the house. Matt hesitated briefly before letting Tk assist him with removing his coat. Even in the warm apartment, Matt seemed to be cold.

While Tk hung Matt's coat on the hook by the door, Tai went to find out where everyone had gone. In the kitchen, he saw a note on the table. It had two lines on it, but it gave him all the information he needed.

_'Gone to grocery store.__ Be back soon.' Perfect. With Mom out, Dad out of town, and Kari shopping with Yolei, we'll have the place to ourselves._

"Tai, can I use your bathroom?" Matt called from the front room.

Tai waved Matt off and as soon as the older blonde had left the room, he motioned for the younger blonde to come closer. With their heads together watching the entryway, they had a rushed, whispered conversation.

"I got him to take off his coat, but I couldn't see where he was hurt." Tk whispered hurriedly.

"Damn," Tai grimaced, "If only he didn't have such a thing for always wearing black. It hides everything."

"So what do we do? Ask him about it?"

"I don't think he'll just tell us what happened and how he got hurt."

"Yeah, you're probably right, Tai. But then how are we going to find out. I'm really worried about him. We don't even know how badly he's hurt."

"I think the first thing to do is find out what his injuries are and confront him about them. He can't deny or talk his way out of them if we've already seen them."

"But how do we do that? I don't think he is going to just stand still and let us search him."

"We're going to have to hold him down. If you get his arms, I think can pin him and still be able to check him for wounds."

"I'm not sure about this," Tk hesitated, knowing how angry Matt would be that they had invaded his privacy like that. "He's going to be furious with us."

"It's our only option right now," Tai was determined to find out what was wrong. "I can't think of anything else to do."

"Anything else to do about what?" Matt asked from the doorway.

Tk let out a startled squeak and Tai spun quickly to see Matt standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. Sometime during their whispered conversation both boys had turned their attention away from the doorway. They could see suspicion clouding the tall blonde's face. Tai quickly pasted a smile on his face and rushed over to Matt.

"Tk said he wanted to play video games, right, TK?" Tai turned to Tk and wiggled his eyebrows anxiously at Tk for confirmation. "I told him I couldn't think of anything else to do. You know, with it being so cold and all."

"Yeah," Tk jumped to support Tai, "Video games are so much fun. You'll play with me right?"

"Sure, Tk," Matt nodded slowly. Tai could see that Matt wasn't entirely taken in by his excuse.

"Great, I'll go pick out a game."

Tk darted out of the kitchen and started to rummage through the pile of games that sat next to the TV. Matt stood a little longer in the doorway, staring at Tai before he followed after Tk.

Swallowing hard, Tai stepped into the room after Matt. He looked around the room trying to figure out the best way to corner Matt so he couldn't escape. The TV was against the wall to the left of entranceway that Tai was standing in. Tk was kneeling in front of the TV, between it and the couch, trying his best to not show how nervous he was. Past the back of the couch, Tai noticed Matt standing against the wall. Matt was watching everything that Tk did, but was not willing to even get as close as the couch.

"Any luck, Tk?" Tai said, inching his way as stealthily as he could towards Matt.

"Well," Tk saw Tai closing in on Matt and knew that they had to act quickly before Matt could figure out what was going on, "How about this one, Matt?"

Tk picked up on of the games he had been shuffling through and, turning to face the couch, held it up towards Matt. Matt hesitated briefly before he moved forward. Tai couldn't help but think that Matt seemed reluctant, almost afraid to approach Tk. In four slow steps, Matt reached the back of the couch and leaned forward over it to take the game from him.

Even though they hadn't really planned anything in detail, Tk and Tai moved in tandem. Right as Matt's hands closed over the game, Tk grabbed both his wrists as Tai used his own body to pin Matt against the back of the couch. Tai would have spared a moment to think of how uncomfortable Matt was, his hips and legs hanging from the back of the couch while his upper body was held down against the front cushions, if he wasn't completely focused on finding out what was wrong with his friend.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Tai ignored Matt's angry cries, focusing only on the task at hand. Matt's body writhed under him, wiggling and squirming in an attempt to get free. Tk was still kneeling on the floor in front of the couch trying to keep a grip on Matt's wrists as he tried to tug loose.

"Stop it. Let go of me!"

"Quit struggling, Matt," Tai yelled at him as he pulled at Matt's thin sweater, trying to get it loose from his pants so he could see where he was injured. "You asked for this."

"No! Stop!! Please, STOP!!!"

Matt's voice was getting higher and louder, each word coming more frantically. Tai didn't notice, he was too intent on trying to pull Matt's shirt up to see the damage. He could feel the clothe under his hands was damp and, as Matt continued to struggle against him, he could see the red stain that rubbed off on his hands.

"Tai," Tk's voice sounded soft and scared.

"NO! STOP!! PLEASE!!!"

Matt's cries had dissolved into unintelligible screams. Tai continued to ignore everything around him in his obsession to understand what had happened to Matt. He didn't hear Matt's cries or Tk softly, fearfully calling out to him. But he couldn't ignore the next voice as easily.

"What are you doing?!?"

There was a noisy clatter and Tai's head whipped around to see his mother standing in the doorway with her grocery bags spilled across the floor at her feet. Seeing the shock in her face, Tai was brought back into awareness of his situation. Looking down at his friend's limp body, Tai wasn't sure how long ago Matt's struggles had ceased. It was probably at about the same time that he had stopped crying out.

Tai stepped quickly backwards away from Matt. Tk also sensed the change in the air and let go of his brother's wrists. Silence lay heavily in the room, Tai and Tk staring down at the still form of the older blonde while Tai's mother continued to look in horror on the scene she had walked into.

Without any warning, Matt suddenly lunged backwards away from the couch. Shoving Tai against the wall, he ran towards the doorway. Matt was so intent on leaving, he didn't even notice Tai's mother or her groceries. He tripped over the items that had spilled out of the paper bags and would have fallen if Tai's mother hadn't reached out to catch him. Matt didn't allow that to slow him down much, he quickly darted past her and fled out the front door leaving his coat and shoes behind.

Tai tried to follow, but his mother would not allow him to pass.

"Just what do you think you were doing to that poor child, Yagami Taichi?"

"Mom, we didn't do anything to him, honest," Tai continued to move from side to side in front of his mother, anxiously looking for a way to get past her.

"I don't believe that for a minute," she glared down at him, noting that the red stains on her hands matched the stains on his. "I could hear him from outside. That boy was screaming like he was being murdered. You better tell me exactly what is going on, or you won't be leaving this apartment for a year."

"Arrgh! Mom," Tai was desperate to chase after Matt and rushed to explain what he could to his mother. "I don't know what is going on. Tk and I met Matt at the park today. We argued and I got mad and hit him. I didn't hit him hard, I promise, but that's how I noticed he was bleeding. He wouldn't tell me or Tk what was wrong, so we decided we had to find out for ourselves and so we invited him back to the apartment. We were desperate to find out how he got hurt so Tk and I pinned him down so I could see what had happened to him. The next thing I knew, he was screaming. I promise, we didn't do anything to hurt him. We're just worried about him. He's hurt and we don't know how bad it is or even how it happened."

Tai's mother's eyes softened as he finished his hurried explanation with a deep breath. She knew her son well enough to know that he wouldn't do anything to hurt his friends and was glad the explanation supported that.

"Tai," Tk spoke softly from where he was still kneeling. "We have to find him. Now."

Tai nodded at the desperation he heard in Tk's voice. He was worried too. Matt had not acted anything like they had expected he would. Tai had thought Matt would cuss at them, maybe threaten a little mayhem, but he never expected him to scream out like that. He also never expected Matt to run away. He had been all prepared for the punch that Matt would deal him, not for the panic-stricken flight.

"I know, Tk. We will. Please, Mom, we have to go."

"Alright," she sighed. "Wash your hands and make sure you don't forget your coats. I'll stay here in case he comes back. Call me on your cell phone if you need anything."

"Thanks, Mom," Tai quickly brushed a kiss onto his cheek before running to the bathroom to wash Matt's blood off of his hands.

When he returned to the front hall, he found Tk already bundled up and holding his jacket for him. In no time, they were out on the street and running towards the train station.

It was almost forty-five minutes later that they were truly getting worried. They had run to the station, but Matt wasn't there. And when they checked with the security guard on the platform, he said he hadn't seen anyone matching Matt's description there in the last hour or so. From the train station, they searched every coffee shop, book store, and general hang-out in the area. When they called his cell phone, Tai's mother had answered it saying that Matt had left it behind in one of his coat pockets. They couldn't find Matt anywhere and after searching for so long, they decided it was time to call in reinforcements. Both boys pulled out their cell phones and began dialing.

"Hey, Joe, is Matt there?" Tk had called Joe first because he thought that maybe if Matt was hurt and needed help that that was where he'd go.

"Hey, Sora, it's Tai. I'm looking for Matt," Tai knew that Matt enjoyed Sora's forthright attitude and hoped that he had gone to her to talk.

"Oh, he's not? Joe, I don't have time to explain, but I need your help. Matt's hurt. No, I don't know how. Please, just listen for now, I'll explain after we find him. He's hurt, we've been searching all over for almost an hour now and we can't find him. Could you call all the hospitals in the area and see if he's there? If you find anything out, call Tai's home number, we'll use that as our base of operations. Tai's mother is there. Thanks, Joe."

"Sora, I got in a fight with Matt and he ran off. I'm afraid he's hurt and I can't find him. Could you grab Izzy and go to Matt's apartment to look for him? Thanks. Call my home number and let my mom know if you find anything."

"Tai, I can't get a hold of Kari," Tk told Tai as soon as he saw him hang up with Sora.

"She's over with Yolei. They were supposed to go shopping. Did you leave a message?"

"Yeah, and I called your mother to tell her we had everyone reporting back to her."

"Perfect, that'll free us up to look. If she hears that anyone found him, she'll call everyone and let us know. This way we won't get a lot of phone calls about where he isn't."

"I'm worried, Tai," Tk stopped where he was on the sidewalk.

Tai stopped with him and watched him anxiously. He knew that there was more that Tk wanted to say, but that he was having a hard time saying it.

"At your apartment…"

"when he was yelling at us…"

"Tai, he was crying. He…he looked like he was terrified of us."

"It scared me," Tk whispered to his feet.

Tai didn't know what to say, so he pulled Tk into a fierce embrace. Trying to give off the big brother vibes that he knew Tk needed right then.

"It'll be okay, Tk," he said, trying to sooth the younger blonde. "We'll find him, I promise."

Tai pretended not to hear the soft sniffles as Tk trembled in his arms. After a few minutes, Tk's shaking stopped and the boy pulled away from him. Both boys looked up, startled to feel the soft touch of new snow. The cold in the air had decided to visit the earth again as a purifying coat of white snow and the snow was starting its fall.

"Thanks, Tai."

"No problem," Tai forced a smile for his friend. "So, where now?"

Tk looked thoughtful, running through all the places they had already checked in his mind.

"Well, he doesn't have his coat or his shoes. He couldn't have gone far. What's close to your apartment?"

"Let's see. There's the bookstore, but we checked there. There's the old church, but we looked there too. There's the park…"

"Tai, we didn't look in the park."

Turning around, the boys headed swiftly back the way they had come from. They were out of breath and panting by the time they reached the entrance to the park. Now, the gently falling snow had called for more friends and the snow fell thick enough to somewhat obscure their vision. Once through the gate, they slowed down so that they wouldn't miss him. Tai and Tk didn't talk as they walked down the park trail. The park was empty of people and with the curtain of snow it was so silent that the world itself seemed to be muffled. There was only the soft sound of snow crunching beneath their feet as they walked on the newly formed layer of snow on the trail. Neither boy called out for the older blonde, they were too afraid that if he was there, that it would startle him into running again.

They made a complete circuit of the park without seeing any sign of his tall form or hearing any hint that he might be there. The frustration of not finding him was evident in their eyes as they looked at each other under the only other entrance to the park.

"Let's look one more time," Tk said, not willing to give up hope yet.

"Alright," Tai agreed. "You watch the right side of the trail, I'll watch the left. Maybe he wandered off the trail."

They retraced their steps, both focusing intently on penetrating the curtain of snow to search the area around them. When they reached the part of the trail that came closer to the lake, Tai paused to look out over the water. Tk continue to forward on the trail, not noticing that Tai had stopped.

_Why does Matt always do this? Even in the digital world, he always had to go off on his own. He'd find some isolated spot and sit down to play that harmonica of his. Most of the time, I didn't have any trouble finding him, he seemed to like finding places where the water met the land. I almost wish we were back in the digital world, even if he walked away, he would always come back eventually._

Tai examined the water before him, it had a thin coating of ice over its surface and it didn't look at all inviting to him. He couldn't figure out what it was that Matt liked so much about sitting by the water. As he looked aside to see how far away Tk had moved, something caught the corner of his eye.

Tai's eyes narrowed as he stared intently down at the snowy area leading away from the trail towards the lakeside. There were light impressions of footsteps in front of him. They had probably been deeper, but the falling snow was rapidly filling them in.

"Tk, come over here," Tai called out, catching the younger boys attention.

Tk turned to see Tai step off the marked trail. He moved slowly, cautiously, like a hunter hoping not to scare off the prey that he knew was hiding in the bushes. Tk darted after him, trying to mask his hurried footsteps and still catch up to the brunette. When Tai suddenly stopped, Tk picked up his speed. Reaching his friend, he felt like he had run into a brick wall. It was like the breathe was knocked out of him and he couldn't take another step forward.

Over Tai's shoulder, he saw his brother lying sprawled in the snow. It looked like Matt had simply fallen over as he walked. He lay on his left side, his left knee bent partially towards his torso as if it was attempting to help him stay warm by moving into the fetal position, but had run out of energy before it even got started. A light layer of snow covered his body in a mocking imitation of a pure white blanket. It was a cruel joke on nature's part to give him a blanket that would steal his warmth. As Tk and Tai stared in horror at Matt's fallen form, they realized that even more horrifying than the utter stillness of his body was the halo of red to pink that spread out from the snow under him.

---------tbc

:) Alright, how was it? Don't be shy. I think I followed the rules (my rules anyways) for a good angsty fic.

1) withdrawn character _check_

2) dramatic/mysterious problem _check_

3) fight _check_

4) blood _check_

5) big, evil cliffie _check check CHECK_

_MWAHAHAhahahahah_I just love a good cliffie, don't you?

So, what's the verdict? Is he dead? (he sounds dead to me ;))

**Special Thanks to:**

**Yakari**** Taito: **_smiles _I know Yamato has been sort of missing in the last few chapters, but I hope I made up for it in this one. The next one will have any Yamato fan happy, it'll be another letter written by the bishounen himself. Feel free to visit my other story if you want. I'm quite proud of it so far and I don't think you need to know too much about BB because I've sort of twisted that world for my own needs. _Blushes _Aren't I bad, plugging my own stories _bad author!_

**Yamato Fangirl: **_laughs _Darn, thought that dodge would work. Since you don't believe in 'angst-hidden' I made it a bit more obvious ;) And feel free to make any request you want, just like I feel free to continue to do whatever I want _giggles _Sorry, couldn't resist. Some chapters will be long, some short. The next one will most likely be another long one. We'll see (whenever I can update)

**Blondie121147: **No, there wouldn't be any couplings in the story. There are plenty of good couples stories on ffnet, I like to provide some good brotherly and friendship ones. Sadly I don't think that if Matt survives, he will be in any shape to make a relationship in this story. Rape'll kinda do that to you. Tk is getting closer to figuring Matt out, but I think it is a bit late, what's the saying 'the shitth hath hitth the fan.'

**CharmedBookworm**Feel free to kill any gods, my muses seem to come from my own demented soul. Since you are blood-thirsty, I hope you'll appreciate the blood in this chapter. I don't believe in gushing and splattering, I think a simple, subtle touches create more drama. Hope it worked.

**Violette**** Mai: **Thanks for the review. I'm so glad you like the setting around the plot. I like to do things a bit different than everyone else. I will do my best to keep it interesting. And I know how it will end, so never fear. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I only write what I already know how to finish. This means all my stories will be completed, but I can't make guarantees on the speed of updates. Hope you stay with me.

**Sutzina**** Zion: **_smiles _Thanks for the compliment. I love a good angsty fic myself. Hope you continue to enjoy it as the road gets darker. Ja ne!

**Fey Phantom: **_smiles _Did you like the snowball fight? ;) I thought it went very well _laughs _And this one as a comedy? Well, I guess you're right, compared to **A World So Cold,** this one is like a kid on a sugar high. Don't worry, though, this one is going to get plenty dark. The light chapters are extra light, sort of to balance the darkness to come. And you are right about Joe's patch up jobs. Really, is there any way Matt could be that clumsy. Plus, always be suspicious of a 'clumsy' person that you never actually see act clumsy. There's likely to be something deeper. I did love my calculus class, the teacher was one of the best I ever had. I think he was the only reason I passed ;)

**Syaoran****-Lover: **So? How was Matt's return? I know, it's still about him, but not really revealing him. It may be frustrating, but there is a method to my madness. Everything is about him, but not always where you see it. Don't worry, next chapter is another letter. Matt at his best and worst. Look forward to seeing you then :)

**Amanda: **I hope you are as happy with this chapter. I know the wait is hard, but hopefully it's worth it. Now we fall into the angst

**Yamatoforever** Sorry, Matt's indisposed right now. The next letter will be another one from the past. It will hopefully give some insight in what happened to cause his change and his regression to his withdrawn behavior. A like solving mysteries almost as much as I like making them ;) You did a good job reading into Matt's behavior so far. You went deeper than I laid out. Matt is preparing for his death, but there is more to it (or maybe less, who knows) ;P Stick around and find out ;)

**Ikana**I hope by now, you've read it ;P Sadly, I won't be writing incest in this story. If you want to see it here, feel free to see whatever undertone that you like, but there will be no overt shonen ai or yaoi in this story. I hope you enjoy it for it's other merits and complexities

**Destiny: **Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy the update ;)

**Curtis Zidane Ziraa: **_smiles _Poor Matt, ne. Well, he _was_ stuck, but now he seems to have gotten past that _laughs _Probably not the was you were looking for ;P Did you like?

**Babymar****-mar: **_laughs _People always want to kill the bad guys in my stories. I'll take that as a compliment that I am making a worthy bad guy.

**WolfsbanesHybrid** _smiles happily _Good lyrics, ne. It's another of my hidden-angst clues for Matt. I'm picking songs and lyrics that match what I feel is Matt's behavior. Matt is pretending to all the world that he is just like the next guy. That he is what everyone expects him to be ;) And he definitely thinks it is right for him to do it. He is worth sacrificing for his friends and his brother, after all the 'very worst part' of them is himself. Fell free to recite any other lyrics :) Glad you like everything so far.

Well, that's it for now. I hope everyone liked the return to the overt angst ;P And anyone who was saving their reviews until it got good and dark again. Well, feel free to review now ;)

See ya next chappie!!


	5. Interlude

**Disclaimer:** I make no profit from this because I DON'T own Digimon or any characters therein.

**Warning: **Some nice light and fluffy. Some very dark and abusive. Guess that covers it.

**Author's Note: **Yikes, long time bad author, ne? I hope you like the chapter. This is the second letter that Matt wrote to Tk. It remains in limbo with its brethren, waiting and hoping to be discovered before Matt has to suffer anymore. As to if, where, and when they might be found, only the author knows (that's me ;P). Be nice and maybe I'll let you in on it :)

Anyways, enjoy!!

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter V: Interlude**

Happy Birthday, Tk,

    I wonder, is it still your birthday? I wonder if you were too upset with me to keep reading after my first letter. Maybe it's been a day, a week, a month, even a year since your birthday. Or maybe, you were so angry with me that you tore up these letters. Maybe you'll never read this. But I hope you do. There is so much I want to explain to you, so much you deserve to know.

    I guess I should start with summer camp since that's when things became so confusing. It's been a little over six months since we came home from camp and from the digital world. Six months…It's so strange how much has happened in that short period of time. I find myself thinking of camp and the digital world almost every day. And after six months, I still haven't been able to decide if that time was the best time of my life or the worst.

    When I arrived at the camp, I found it was pretty much what I expected. Girls who had no idea what personal space was and guys that thought a slap on the back was a good thing. This was mixed in with the usual arts and craps activities that summer camps are known for. Getting out of the stupid activities was easy. The camp counselors obviously didn't care if you joined in or not, just as long as you weren't making trouble. The other kids presented more of a problem for me, but not by very much. I was used to it after all, it was just like at school.

    School teaches you more than the homework does. One of the most important lessons I learned there was that it was dangerous to let anyone get too close. I also learned that friendship was just a word, an excuse to pry into someone's life. I didn't want friends. I couldn't allow anyone to get close enough to see anything, or to get too curious about me and Dad. I couldn't tell them the truth, Dad would just get angry and take it out on you or me. And I hate lying, so it's easier if people just don't ask.

    It's always been so easy to keep people away; snub a couple girls and glare at a few guys and they pretty much leave you alone. And that was just the way I wanted it. Of course, there was always some idiot who thought that he was exempt and ignored all the keep away signs, but at that point I could always just walk away. And I would.

    Maybe all of that just sounds like some sort of lame excuse to you. I guess it is. But there is a simpler reason for why I didn't like people near me. I don't know why it is that when you're hurt somewhere, everyone wants to grab you or hit you in that exact spot. And as angry as Dad had been, there wasn't much that didn't hurt. Before I left for camp, he told me not to tell anyone about my punishments and he made sure I understood him by beating it into me every night. There were times that I thought the two weeks would never end, but I knew it was worth it when I finally got to camp and saw you there.

    Do you understand? That was how it was, how it had to be. As long as no one touched me, I wouldn't hurt more.

    Of course, none of this applied to you, Tk. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, none of it mattered when you hugged me. There is no way I could deny you when you needed a hug, or when you needed to give a hug. It just felt so good to have you with me. The pain is always there, but when you're there too, I understand. At those times, even the pain feels good. It reminds me of why I'm still alive. You remind me. Sometimes I need that reminder.

    Now, if camp had just continued as it had started, I don't think I would be writing this letter. Everything would have just kept going on the way it had. When we went to the digital world, though, everything changed.

    I hated it there. I know you thought it was just one big adventure, but you didn't understand the danger. No, not the big, evil digimon, those I could handle. I don't think you saw it, I hope you didn't, I was trying so hard to keep my mask in place, but I was terrified. All of a sudden I was surrounded by these strange kids and, no matter what I did or said, I couldn't get away from them. I was so scared that someone would discover everything I was trying to keep buried. I didn't want anyone to know how bad I was, what dad did to me.

    I knew we had to stick together, and all that other nonsense, for the sake of safety. And I was willing to do it because I knew that you would be safer with them than without them. But it was so hard.

    Strangely enough, the danger didn't come from the girls. I don't know if it was because they were too scared of being trapped in a new world or if it was something else, but the girls never tried to flirt or approach me. I kept my distance from them and they did the same.

    The problem was with the guys. Well, I guess it wasn't the 'guys,' it was That guy, Taichi. Izzy was completely involved in his laptop and Joe was busy jumping at shadows, but Taichi seemed to want to make up for their inattention. That jerk was forever bugging me. I think he did it on purpose.

    I knew from the moment we arrived on the digital world that Tai was an idiot. I mean what kind of fool thinks that a small, pink puffball with no arms or legs can hurt him. I could hear him screaming long before we actually found him in that clearing.

    But I was proud of you, Tk. I don't think I told you that, did I. When Tsunomon and I found you, you were already happily playing with Tokomon. I've always been amazed at your ability to trust and make friends. Sometimes it really worries me, but I know it's okay as long as I'm nearby to protect you.

    My opinion of Tai only got worse the more time I spent with him. Just because he was always the loudest and was usually the first to speak, everyone seemed to follow him like he was some sort of leader. It didn't help that he seemed to work on impulse alone. The first thought that popped into his head would come flying out of his mouth. Usually his plans involved a huge risk and no actual gain.

    'Hey, everyone! Let's wander across the desert because we don't know what else to do.'

    Idiot. I wanted to walk away, just leave his sorry butt behind, along with anyone stupid enough to follow him. I almost did several times that first week. If you hadn't come to the digital world, I would have.

    But worse than the reckless ideas and the pointless attempts at leadership, was the fact that he didn't understand anything about privacy. I'm not just talking about my privacy, he didn't respect anyone's. I was ready to beat his head in when he was tormenting Gabumon that first night we spent in the digital world. I don't understand how he couldn't see that Gabumon wore his fur for a reason. People can be so blind sometimes. None of the other digimon wore any type of clothes or coverings. I knew right away that Gabumon was hiding something that was hurting him. There was no need to pry or hurt him by forcing him to show his pain. I know enough about hiding pain that I have no trouble recognizing and respecting it.

    Tai, however, never understood. He would tease Gabumon and pry into my life. He even had the gall to ask me what my relationship with you was, like it was any of his business how you and I are related. I just couldn't understand why he wanted to know any of that stuff.

    Everyday I listened to his loud voice as he told everyone what to do and every night I had to endure his teasing or prying. So what, if I didn't want to bathe in the river at the same time as the other guys? So what, if I liked to go off by myself sometimes? The teasing was bad enough, but it would have been worse if they had been giving me those wide-eyed, shocked looks I knew they'd have if I was dumb enough to let them see me. There was no way I would have been able to explain all the injuries I had.

    It was horrible. I couldn't be a part of the group, but they just wouldn't leave me alone. I know you could sense something was wrong. It's always been hard to keep things from you, staying one step ahead. You're such a smart kid, and I know you have gotten close to seeing behind my mask several times. So I tried not to let it bother me, tried to get along as best as I could. I didn't want to worry you. But it was just so hard, so confusing.

    Things changed gradually. Most of the others accepted how I was and I guess I got sort of used to having them around. And once my wounds had healed, I wasn't so afraid to let them get too close, physically, to me. But as I got more comfortable around them and stopped wandering off on my own so much, I noticed something else. I noticed that loud, irritating Tai had everything that I had forgotten that I missed. He was always smiling and laughing. In fact, he had no problems showing all of his emotions openly, whether it was anger, fear, or kindness. He had no reservations about his friendships with everyone. He was reckless, but would be the first one into any battle to protect the others. And worst of all, he was a much better big brother than I was.

    When I realized that, I hated Tai. I felt betrayed and useless. It was as if the last three years that I had spent with Dad were worthless because I didn't deserve you as a brother. I was no friend, no brother. I was the outsider, the loner. I was someone that people endured, but could never love. Nothing like Tai.

    The hate didn't last long, though, because I suddenly understood. Tai _was_ a better big brother. You didn't need me, I was already too far gone. I was just a shadow of the brother you used to have. You deserved better. And now you had it.

    That's why I left you and everyone else, Tk. I know now that that was wrong. I know I hurt you and betrayed you. I guess I was too blinded by self pity at the time. And I think I was a little relieved. I thought it was all finally over. I had planned on going into the forest and dying. I didn't think it would be hard. After all, there was always some big, evil digimon hunting us.

    You must hate me so much. I don't blame you, I hate myself. I had made you a promise that I wouldn't die, that I'd be there as long as you needed me, but I was ready to break that promise. I thought you would be better off without me. You had Tai and the others and, in the digital world, there was no way that Dad could find you and hurt you. It really seemed like the best idea. And I think it would have succeeded if it weren't for Gabumon.

    I wonder, Tk, did I ever talk to you about Gabumon? Probably not. I never have been good about talking about what's inside. I doubt that that had changed at all before your eighteenth birthday. It's strange, I want to share what's in my heart, but I guess I'm afraid if I open it just a little for you now, I won't be able to keep everything from breaking out. You're still too young to hear everything right now, so I guess I'll have to be satisfied with the hope that you might someday read this.

    When I woke up on the digital world, the very first thing I saw was a little creature that looked like an orange gumdrop with a horn on his head. He wasn't doing anything, just staring at me from about a foot away. I wasn't afraid of him, after all, only an idiot would be afraid of something that didn't have arms to beat you with or legs to kick you with. In fact, in a way, he reminded me of you when you were a baby. He didn't say anything, but that was okay, I already knew that his name was Tsunomon. Just like he knew my name was Yamato.

    I've heard the word 'friendship' tossed around a lot lately, not surprising really, but that word didn't really describe what I felt at that time. I've heard lofty words like 'soul mate' or 'kindred spirit,' but those words weren't right either. When Tsunomon and I met, there was instant understanding. There was no need to learn about each other, because we already knew everything we needed to. There was no need for words, because just a glance would say everything we could possibly need to. And we knew what not to ask and when not to pry, the need to know would come with the other's need to talk. I think the only time he ever surprised me was when he digivolved to the next level for the first time. But I don't think I was any more surprised than he was.

    We shared everything, even protecting you. I wonder if you ever noticed…Each digimon could only digivolve to the next level to protect their chosen, right? Well, not exactly. Gabumon was different, he could digivolve for you. I never asked him to, never told him, but I didn't need to. He knew that I would die if something ever happened to you so he protected your life like it was my own. I could always depend on him.

    And when I thought you didn't need me anymore and I left you and the others, he followed me. And just as he always did, he stayed by my side. He told me that he would never leave me, that he would support me in anything that I did. If he hadn't chosen me as his partner, if he hadn't followed me into the forest, I would have died there. But with him at my side, I couldn't. I knew that if I died, he would just follow me. Just like he always did. I know I'm selfish, I didn't want him to leave me, but I knew that that was one time I didn't want him to follow me. I couldn't let him die like that, he meant too much to me.

    Instead, I went back and challenged Tai. Gabumon even fought against Greymon because he knew, in a way, I had something to prove. I know I worried you then. I 'm still not sure exactly what I wanted to prove. I think that part of me thought that if I beat Tai that it would prove that I was the better big brother. But there was a part that wanted Tai to win the fight. I think that I wanted him to kill me. In an odd way it would prove he was your brother, that he could protect you.

    In either case, the battle didn't resolve anything. I didn't win, I didn't lose. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I couldn't stay with everyone anymore. I was getting too close. I was starting to care about them. I know, I know, I'm an idiot. Too late, I already knew that. But at the time, I felt I could only care about one person. I worried that if I started to care about anyone else, that I wouldn't be there for you when you needed me. It was stupid and I know better now, but that is the only explanation I can offer.

    What a joke it was, being the bearer of the Crest of Friendship. I always thought it was more that they had a crest left over and I was the jerk that happened to be the last one picked. I mean, everyone else was so obvious. I didn't need to go to the digital world to find out that you were hope, Tk. You have been my hope every since you were born. A person would have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to see the hope shining through you everyday. Everyone matched their crests, everyone but me. Maybe it was given to me out of pity, an offering to try to teach me what a friend truly was.

    Well, it took me a while, Tk, but I did learn. I watched over you and the others from a safe distance. And as I watched, I learned what friendship really was. I learned that the others cared for you and would protect you. Just like I gradually understood that they cared about me. I found myself trusting them, even thought I didn't want to. And I finally found that I understood what friendship meant.

    I think that you were the one that taught it to me. You showed me hope, showed me your trust and love of the others. It was because of you that Tai and I became best friends. I think we bonded because we're both big brothers. When we found out that Hikari was the eighth child, Tai finally understood why I was so protective of you. He understood what it was like to have someone he loved in danger. We sort of came to the unspoken agreement that we would always be big brothers to the two of you. I would be there for Kari just like he would be there for you.

    We all went through so much together, both in the digital world and when we fought to save our world. At the time, I even thought that we had saved more than the two worlds. Or rather, I thought that you had saved more. I thought that I had been saved as well.

    You see, when we bumped into Dad in the real world, he acted just like he used to. He was like he was before the divorce, before the pain. He smiled at me and at you. I felt like I had finally been able to make up for being so bad for all those years. I guess saving the world was a good trade for forgiveness.

    I had the dad I remembered from when we lived together as a family, I had you, and I had all the new friends that I made as we traveled in the digital world. For the first time in a long time, I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, to enjoy my life with my bother and my friends.

    And even as we said goodbye to our digimon, I thought it would be alright. I knew that we would probably never see them again and I was sad, but I had hope. I think Gabumon felt it, too. He let me go and, for once, didn't follow me.

    For the first time in a long time, I was happy. And for the last six months, I've believed that.

    Dad let me test into the school that Tai, Sora, and Izzy go to. The test was easy, but I knew it would be. When I first moved in with dad, things were bad and my grades really fell. Dad would get so mad at me. I started using all my spare time to study. I thought that maybe if I did better in school, he would stop hurting me. My grades improved, school became easy, almost boring, but it didn't stop him from hurting me. But none of that mattered anymore. The only thing I thought at the time was that all the studying had helped me pass the test and begin school with my friends. And even better was the fact that you went to school nearby.

    I really felt so alive. It was like I was finally shining with the light of friendship just like you had always shone with the light of hope. It was so much fun being with everyone. And best of all, I didn't have to hide anything. Dad had stopped hitting me so there were no mysterious bruises or wounds that I would have to explain away. There was no reason to tell you or the others about what had happened before, so I just concentrated on spending every minute I could with you guys.

    Maybe it was the best time of my life. Everyday, I laughed with friends. Everyday, I walked you home after school. I was a big brother again. I was a friend. I was alive.

    I wanted you to know that, to know that you changed so much inside of me. I know the others carried their crests, but I don't think the digital world really needed anyone other than you. I know I didn't. You gave me hope, expressed sincere love, and I could always rely on you for courage. You were the one that had the knowledge of friendship. And you shared all of this with me. If it hadn't been for you, I would have stayed lost in the darkness.

    I wish I had. It was all a mirage. I thought I had been drinking pure water, but I was actually choking on sand. It's my own fault really. I was dumb enough to forget everything I had learned. I let my defenses down, didn't watch for the signs that I used to be on guard for. I let myself think that I could enjoy the light. I don't understand how I could think that, the light was never something that I deserved.

    I was so stupid, but I didn't know it until last night. It started simply enough, I just didn't see it. Dad was home from work at a somewhat decent hour and I was just setting the table for dinner. He asked me how you were, how school was, and casually wondered how Garurumon was doing. If I had been paying closer attention, I might have seen why he was asking, I might have been able to figure out the right lie. I might have enjoyed my life for just a few more precious days or weeks. But I didn't. I told him that school was fine and that you were doing great. And I told him that I hadn't been in contact with Garurumon ever since the doorway between our world and the digital world had closed.

    That's when he laughed.

    I knew that laugh, it was wrong. Everything was wrong, but it was already too late. I tried to run, but he got between me and the doorway. He grabbed my arm and began to hit me. He slammed me onto the kitchen table, knocking the dishes to the floor. But I didn't even hear them shatter, all I heard was him. And he kept laughing.

    He told me I was stupid to believe that I was some kind of savior, that I had anything to do with saving the world. He told me I was too weak, that I was nothing without my big wolf to protect me. He told me he would teach me not to act so high and mighty. That he would teach me not to hide behind some freakish monster dog to escape the punishments I deserved. Then he asked me, if I liked dogs so much, did I want to be tamed like one.

    I tried to stop him. I fought against him. I screamed for him to stop. And in a moment of desperation, I cried out for you and my friends. No one came. No one helped me. No one saved me. Nothing stopped him as he tore me apart from inside.

    He laughed at me each time he hurt me. He laughed and asked if I knew where Gabumon was. He laughed at my screams, telling me that no one could possibly care about someone as worthless as me. I wish he had kept hitting me. I wish he had just killed me. Instead, he found my soul where it had been newly reborn and drowned it in blood and pain.

    You gave me hope, Tk; hope of life, of love and of friendship. If it hadn't been for the digital world, if it hadn't been for you and the others, my world would have continued as it had. I was used to the pain, Tk, it was supposed to be there. But you let my soul be reborn.

    I hate you, Tk.

    Oh, God, I'm sorry, Tk. I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I'm sorry. I can't hate you. I couldn't hate you. Never. I love you, Tk. Never think that I don't love you. You could take my blood, my bones, my very soul, but I would never stop loving you. I'm sorry, Tk. I will always love you. I'm sorry.

    It's me that I hate.

    I know you didn't do anything wrong. You are hope and that's all there is to it. I can't hate you, you're my brother. You're my life and I won't forget it again. And I won't lose what you taught me. I will cherish every moment with you, Tai and all of my friends. I won't let dad break those bonds, they are too precious to me. I will cling to what you've given me. I will do my best to live, to be there for you. I won't abandon you again like I did in the digital world. I'll hold on until you don't need me, just as I promised I would. I will hold on until you're eighteen

    I don't know if you can forgive me. Do you hate me? Does Tai hate me? He's the first real friend I've had in a long time. Tell him…tell him…I don't know what to tell him. I know he hates me. He would have to. He probably thinks I abandoned you and the others. Please tell Tai, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Tell him, it's better this way. Tell him, this is all I wanted. Tell him, thank you for being my friend, because I will probably never tell him that.

    I hope you and Tai are still friends. I hope he is there for you. I know you probably need someone to lean on right now. I know I've only hurt you again. I'm sorry. Maybe if I never existed, things would have been better. Maybe you and mom and dad would still be together, would still be happy. If I could only erase myself, then you wouldn't have to suffer at all. But I can't do that, as much as I want to. I know I'm bad. I know I'm selfish. But I can't…I'm sorry, Tk, but I can't go on like this forever. I don't think I could last another week if I didn't hold on to some sort of hope. And the only thing I hope for is death.

    But as I promised, I'll hold on to you until you're eighteen. You are hope, Tk, and I will embrace you instead of death for as long as you need me. But, please forgive me, I had to let go. I couldn't hold on any longer. I loved you, Tk. I love you. Don't doubt it and never forget it. Please don't hate me for letting go.

                                                                    Even in death, I will always be,

                                                                                    Your aniki, Yamato

-----------------tbc

oo; So what did everyone think? (more tears?)

I thought it was interesting when I watched the series how everyone reacted to their digimon in a different way. I thought it'd be interesting to interpret those reactions. Tai's fear. Matt's easy acceptance, etc. Did anyone else notice that Matt's father seemed shocked and a little afraid of Garurumon the first time he saw him in the tv series. I did. Did everyone like the reasoning behind those reactions? I hope so.

**Special Thanks to:**

**Ryou**** Moon: **Thanks for the review. Sorry for the long delay, I hope it was worth it.

**Yakari**** Taito: **Glad to hear you liked the return to angst. I can only go so long without it ;P Hope you continue to enjoy the journey with me.

**Fey Phantom: **_laughs _Isn't it strange how happy we can get with angst and torture ;) I'm glad you liked the snow ball fight. Of course it was one sided. Do you think Matt would deign to throw a snow ball? Never! _Giggles_ But Taichi would never let something like maturity or dignity stop him, ne? And you are definitely on track with poor Matt and his reaction to Tai and Tk. Things don't look to good for or bishonen, do they. I guess you'll have to wait till next chapter to find out if I really am evil enough to kill Matt off in mid-story _winks_

**KazamaFangirl: **_giggling hysterically _Ah…Heaven…Yes…Would _I_ kill Matt? _Would_ I kill Matt? _Evil laughter inserted here _Who knows. Maybe you should ask around, 'cause I'm not telling _laughs _Of course, I always enjoy an imaginative death threat. ;) but I do prefer my skin intact (I look much better with it) Hope you enjoyed the chapter (and the suspense because I haven't told you what happened to Matt yet) I'm so evil ;P

**Umi: **I'm glad you have been pulled in. I am doing my best, but sometimes that's still pretty slow. Stick with me. I hope you won't be disappointed.

**Syaoran****-Lover: **Wasn't that a fun cliffie. And the best part is, I gave you a chapter and still left you hanging off of the same cliff _MWAHAHAHA _I do think that part of love and friendship is seeing into the ones you love, sort of a deeper understanding. Matt's a quiet thoughtful person, so it only makes sense that he would have, I guess studied is a good enough word, his friends. I also think that Tk follows after Matt in a lot of respects, so therefore he would have a lot of the same insights as his brother :) I'm very glad you thought the moment in the apartment was well done. I'm trying to be subtle about something that is really a dark and offensive topic. But I don't want that to take away from the pain in Matt. If anything, I want it to enhance it. I also want everyone to act believably in the situation, as if it were real. Sadly, that is the reality for some people. As for why Matt's father still abuses him, that's easy. I'll even tell you because I am thinking of leaving it unspoken in the story. Rape and abuse are about power. Their father targeted Tk at first because he thought he would have more power over the younger brother. Unfortunately for Matt, he learned he has more power over the older brother by using the younger brother. And someone who rapes and abuses never stops. They can't. They are like junkies that have a craving, a need, for power. Did you ever hear of a child molester that only molested one child once. That is someone that doesn't exist. I hope that explains it.

**Amanda: **Why only hurt the ones we love, ne? ;) I'm glad you liked the return to overt angst. It pretty much remains strong from here on out. At least it will when I have time to update. Catch ya next chappie.

**Destiny: **_laughs _I always thought the true test of a good story is if it takes me through all my emotions. I laugh, cry, rejoice and grieve with the characters. I hope I can bring that to this story. It always makes me so happy to here that someone read my story and really felt for the characters. Thanks!

**CharmedBookworm: **_giggles _Glad you liked the blood and stuff. As for Matt….yeah, you could say he might be hurt. You could say he might be dead, but you'd have to wait until next chapter to find out ;P

**Yamatoforever: **Very good!! You found the underlying story. (at least part of it.) The moment of truth is definitely at hand. The only problem is how much truth will Matt's friends really learn. Matt's hid so much from them, do you really think they'll figure it all out right away. Will they figure it out in time? Better come back and find out! _laughs_

**Blue Tajiri: **_smiles_ Yeah! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Matt angst is the best, ne? And thanks for the review on my old story. **With You **is about the closest I've come to shonen ai. And I'm always glad to hear when someone enjoyed it. Did you read it because you were frustrated with the long wait O.O;; Whatever the case, glad you liked it. (Check out the my other Naruto fic if you get bored, it's very dark and bloody)

**Oola: **All good things come to those that wait? Patience is a virtue? Heaven can wait? Good enough reasons? _Laughs_ I know, I'm sorry. It's hard to wait, ne? I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even after the long wait ;P

**Merlraven: **Poor Matt, I do seem to be tormenting the poor guy. I sure hope he survives. Don't worry, I will keep going until it's done. Stick with me.

**Michael-gasparutti: **_giggles _You don't really expect me to answer those questions, do you? It would ruin all the fun. I guess you'll just have to wait and see. Don't worry, all the questions will be answered before I'm done. But I may leave you with a new one ;P

**Drea: **_smiles _A new chappie. Definitely. I don't think people would be kind enough to leave reviews for a what. _Laughs _I know, I know, I'm so slow. So sue me….Wait, you can't _mwahaha_ Thank god for disclaimers ;P Hope you enjoyed. Catch you next chappie!!

Well, that's it for tonight. The next chapter will pick up where the last chapter left off. Well, sort of. Please, come back and find out what happened to Matt. And don't forget to leave a nice long review ;) (Maybe if I make it to a hundred reviews I'll update faster) _laughs_ I'm being pitiful, ne? Don't worry, I'll still update, even if I don't get any reviews ;P


	6. Pouring Crimson Regret

**Disclaimer:** hmmm...I don't own the beautiful characters or the anime (or fantastic song), but I might be somewhat responsible for the trail of bodies from reviews that died waiting for this update.

**Warning: **Not a lot to warn about here. Pretty tame; a little angst, a little blood, you know, the usual

**Author's Note: **Oops. I'm a bit late, aren't I. Gomen, things are still hectic here. I still am living out of suitcases, so I don't have my computer or anything. It makes it a little more difficult to write. I am using a very pitiful substitute to finish this for you guys. I don't even have spell check if you can believe it. Woe is me ;; Please excuse any mispellings or grammatical mistakes. I've been working on this for a while, but I've gotten to the point, where I'm not sure if it's finally good enough to post, or if it is so horrible it should be deleted. Since I took pity on you guys, I posted. Don't forget to thank me nicely for that

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter VI: Pouring Crimson Regret**

'i tried to kill the pain  
but only brought more  
i lay dying  
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am i too lost to be saved  
am i too lost?'

'Tourniquet,' by Evanescence

Tai sat in his Math class in a stupor. His teacher was going over the weekend's homework, but Tai wasn't paying any attention. His eyes kept wandering back to the empty seat in the last row of desks. Matt's desk.

_How could this happen? Just a couple days ago my biggest problem was not understanding the math assignment. Now..., Matt..._

Despite his obviously lack of attention, the teacher didn't berate him like he normally would. Tai's teacher understood that there was nothing normal about today.

Because of everything that had happened over the weekend, Tai's mother had stopped at the principle's office when she brought Tai to school that morning. She had spoken with Matt's family Sunday night and they had asked her to explain to Matt and Tk's schools the reason why they were absent. It had been hard to talk about, but Mrs. Yagami was glad that, at least in that small way, she could help the devastated family.

The school board was very aware of the different problems and situations that could occur to it's students and tried to be prepared to respond quickly and appropriately in an emergency. And so, once informed of what had happened, the Principle had gathered all the teachers together for an emergency meeting, called in extra counselors to help the students cope, and called the police to assure them that the school would cooperate in any way necessary. But there was no assembly or explanation for the students, the principle wanted to keep things as quiet as possible out of respect for the Ishida family. Of course, even though the general student population didn't know exactly what had happened, they could sense something was wrong. The plain-clothes detectives were easy to spot as they moved through the students and interviewed friends and teachers. The students were quiet as they passed between classes, the once loud halls felt sureal in the uncharacteristic silence. It almost felt as if the students had been replaced with robots and it worried their instructors. All the teachers were keeping a close watch on their students, hoping to catch any sign that they were overwhelmed or in distress and ready to step in to provide comfort. They kept an especially close eye on those that they knew were good friends with Ishida Yamato.

Even with the police wandering the school and the teachers less then subtle attention, Tai couldn't find enough energy to care about what was happening around him. His mind was too haunted by what happened just two short days ago. The events played over and over again in his head; images of blood-stained snow, Tk screaming his brother's name, flashing lights, white curtains, Matt's still form. The images coalesed together bringing him back to when everything had changed for him. Tai's history teacher had once said that the history they studied was never completely accurate, that the passage of time blurs and confuses past events. Tai wished it were true for him, he remembered everything with stark clarity.

* * *

**flashback**

Tai faltered to a stop as his searching eyes finally caught sight of his friend. Matt was lying on his side in the snow. For a minute it almost looked like he had just fallen asleep, but Tai knew it was much worse. He knew that the deceptively soft white blanket of snow was too cold for anyone to lay so quietly on, especially someone who had forgotten his jacket and shoes. Before he could react to what he saw, he felt Tk stumble into him from behind. He half turned, hoping to block the sight of Matt's still form from his brother, but he was already too late. Tai felt himself pushed sideways, almost falling into the snow as the younger blonde shoved by him.

"No!" Tk shrieked as he came up beside his brother.

Tai could only watch as Tk fell to his knees next to his brother. Pulling Matt's limp form into his arms, Tk began rocking back and forth mumbling a pleading litany to his unhearing brother.

"Matt, please wake up. Open your eyes. Please, Matt, talk. Just say something. Anything. Matt!" Tk continued to call out to his brother, his soft pleading words merging until they had become an almost inaudible chant trying to call Matt back to awareness.

Tai stood watching it completely frozen. But it wasn't the cold that kept him trembling a few steps away from Tk and Matt, it was the sight of something he prayed was only a dream, a nightmare. The sight of Tk, brokenly calling to his unconscious brother as he held Matt's body in the blood-stained snow was something Tai would never get out of his head. He had known then that the scene would haunt his dreams for a long time to come.

"Tai!" Tk's voice broke through his dazed thoughts and his eyes focused on the younger blonde. "What do we do, Tai? He won't wake up."

The look in Tk's eyes was like a slap in the face for Tai. His friends had always instinctively looked to him for guidance. That was how he had become the leader of their group when they were in the digital world. They trusted him to know what to do in an emergency. They had known he wouldn't let them down.

And he wouldn't.

Tai found his cell phone in his hand and himself listening for someone to answer before he even knew that he had dialed. The other end was answered almost immediately.

"Emergency Services, please state your emergency."

The voice sounded calming, but Tai was not in the mood to be soothed. "You have to help me. My friend is hurt and we need help!"

"Alright," the male voice on the line continued easily, "where is he?"

"We're in the park," Tai rattled off their location, all the while keeping his eyes on the two blondes. He kept hoping Matt would wake up and reassure them everything was fine.

"Paramedics are on the way," the voice assured. "I'll stay on the line with you until they get there."

"Matt, they're coming. Hang on." Tk had heard the voice through the cell phone and was trying to comfort himself with that knowledge as he reassured his brother.

The person on the phone continued to talk, but Tai wasn't able to comprehend much. All he knew was that help was coming. The voice on the phone was trying to explain to Tai for the third time how to check Matt's condition when he heard sirens approaching the park.

"They're here!" He yelled excitedly into the phone.

Dropping the phone, he waved frantically to show the paramedics where they were. The ambulance slowed briefly to move around the barriers that kept cars out of the park and then they were racing down the wide path towards Tai.

At any other time, Tai would have been amazed at how efficient the paramedics were. Instead, all he could do was numbly watch them in action. In moments, they had the stretchers out and beside the two blondes. One man gently took Matt's body from Tk's arms and laid him on the stetcher while the other began to assess him. The driver was out of the front cab and had taken the job of helping the two shellshocked children.

"We're going to take him straight to the hospital," the driver said as he began herding them towards the ambulance. "You can ride along, but you need to sit up front with me. Don't worry, they're doing everything they can."

Before he knew it, Tai found himself hanging on as the ambulance sped through the empty streets. Tk sat with him in the front, but his focus was on the small window that divided the front cab from the rear. He could see the two men in the back moving around his brother, but he couldn't really see what they were doing. Tai placed his arm around Tk's shoulders for comfort and prayed that they would reach the hospital soon.

Thankfully, the miserable, snowy day did give them one advantage. No one wanted to be out in the cold so the roads were almost deserted. The ambulance reached the hospital without mishap in a little over five minutes. As soon as it had stopped, Tai and Tk quickly jumped out of the cab only to find that the paramedics had been even faster. The two men were already pushing the stretcher through the emergency doors. Tai and Tk had no choice but to race after the stretcher trying not to lose sight of Matt.

They only caught up with them when the paramedics finally stopped at an alcove and shifted Matt's limp form over to the hospital bed that was waiting for him. Tk tried to get to his brother's side, but he was just a fraction of a second slower than the three people in scrubs who swarmed around the bed. Tai kept his arm around Tk, keeping them both out of the way of the busy flow around the bed. He was so intent on trying to understand everything that was going on that he didn't even acknowledge when one of the paramedics gave him a comforting pat on the head before pushing the stretcher back to the waiting ambulance.

Tai listened to what the people taking care of his friend were saying, but he didn't really understand much. He suddenly wished that he watched that hospital TV show that his mom liked so much. Everyone seemed to be talking in some kind of code.

"What's his O2?...I want two large bore IVs...start some NS...get him on some monitors..."

Everyone was talking at once, but at the same time everyone seemed oddly calm. Tai didn't know if something was wrong with them or with him, because all he wanted to do was scream.

One of the men in scrubs finally noticed the two pale boys watching and he stepped away from the controlled chaos and pulled a curtain behind him to hide the view of the work being done on the older blonde.

"Are you friends or family?" he asked, coming to stand in front of them.

"Yes," Tai answered.

"I'm his brother," Tk added, looking worriedly at the curtain that hid his brother from him.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"We don't know," Tai answered because he could see that Tk wasn't really paying attention to the doctor's questions, he was more intent on what he couldn't see behind the curtain. "We met Matt earlier and found out he was hurt. We tried to find out what happened, but he ran away. We looked all over for him, but didn't find him until now. He was in the park, just...lying there...in the snow..."

"I see," the doctor replied looking thoughtful. "How long was, Matt, out there?"

"...ummm...," Tai tried to think about how long they had been searching for the blonde. "Maybe an hour, an hour and a half."

The doctor jotted down what Tai told him and then looked at Tk. "We need to have a parent or guardian here. Is someone at your home right now?"

"Yes," Tk absently pulled out his cell phone. "My mom's home."

"I'm afraid you can't use the cell phone in the hospital, but if you give me the number, I'll call her and tell her to come in."

Tai didn't comment as Tk punched up the home number in his cell's address book and gave the phone to the doctor. The younger blonde hadn't even realize that he should have told the doctor to call Matt's dad at work, all he knew was that they needed to get ahold of someone and his mom was the first person he thought of. Tai didn't think it mattered much one way or the other. He knew that Matt and Tk's mother would be able to get ahold of Matt's dad to let him know what was going on. Beside, Tai was ready to hand things over to the adults to take care of for a while, he had just about reached his limits.

"Alright," the doctor smiled gently, "You two have been very helpful. I'll have one of the nurses take you to the waiting area and"

"Hey, Doc!"

The doctor paused as someone called out to him from behind the curtain. "What's up?"

"You really need to come and look at this," the voice spoke with urgency.

"Excuse me," the doctor quickly stepped back to the curtain and, with only a momentary fumbling, was through it and closing it behind him.

The slight fumbling had given Tai and Tk a freeze-frame glimpse of Matt. It hadn't been a comforting sight. Matt's clothes had been cut off and, even with a sheet somewhat covering him, there was enough exposed to show that Matt had been cruelly beaten. His skin was very pale with a faint bluish tinge and there were several large mottled areas; vivid with deep reds, blues and purples. Whether it was because of what they had seen or because the voices had suddenly become softer, the two boys felt drawn to the curtain. They crept closer until they could make out what was being said.

"Gently now, on three...1...2...3..."

"Oh, God."

"Let's get him stable and let's start making calls. Bag everything. And let me know when the SANE nurse arrives."

"Okay, everyone, you know the drill." A woman in scrubs almost walked into Tai and Tk as she pushed past the curtain. "Oh! Who are you two?"

"I'm his brother," Tk's voice showed his anxiety about answering the question a second time.

"Okay, come with me please." Not giving them a chance to refuse, the nurse began to usher them to a back room.

To Tai's surprise, he found the room that they were taken to was empty. It turned out that the nurse had taken the two boys to the nurses' lounge instead of to the main waiting area. On the counter across from the door was a TV, phone, and microwave, while the wall on the left was covered with grey lockers. Pushing Tk into an empty chair, the woman popped a tape into the VCR and pressed play.

"Just stay here, okay? The doctor is calling your mother now and as soon as she gets here, I'll bring her in to see you. Don't worry, your brother is in good hands. Dr C is the best."

Smiling one last time, the nurse left them to the bubbly music of The Little Mermaid playing on the TV. Tai stared at the TV blindly for a minute and then promptly turned it off.

"You okay, Tk?"

"No, Tai, I'm not," the younger blonde looked almost as pale as his brother had.

"Me either," Tai admitted glumly.

Tai sat down next to Tk and tried to get the image of Matt in the hospital bed out of his mind. It didn't help. The image of the pale, beaten blonde was only replaced by the image of the still form lying in blood stained snow.

"Why didn't he tell us something was wrong!" Tk stood abruptly and began pacing. "I don't care if he's in some kind of trouble, or if he did something wrong. He should have known that! He shouldn't have tried to keep something like this from me. What happened that he thought he needed to keep it a secret?"

"I don't know, Tk." Tai'd words were soft, showing his own confusion.

"What do we do now? What if he..." Tk halted in mid-stride, his stricken eyes turning to Tai for reassurance.

"He'll be alright," Tai rushed to comfort the agitated blonde. "We got him to the hospital and they'll take care of him. We just have to wait..."

_Wait for them to take care of him. Wait for Tk's mom. Wait for him to be alright. I hate waiting!_

"I hate waiting!" Tk echoed Tai's thoughts. "I want, no, I _need _to do something."

"I feel the same way. I'm sure the others do, too...the others...crap, I forgot to tell everyone that we found him. They're probably still out looking for him."

Tai reached for his cell phone only to find that it was missing. He hadn't noticed it drop from his nerveless hand into the snow when the ambulance arrived. He didn't even try to figure out where it was, instead he grabbed the phone off the counter next to the TV and quickly dialed home. His mother answered the phone on the first ring and after only a few questions had assured them she would notify the others and be at the hospital in no time.

Tai hung up the phone to find Tk sitting dejectedly in his chair again. Now they really had nothing to do but to sit and wait. It felt like they were waiting for the world to end.

"Tai?"

**end flashback**

* * *

"Tai?" 

Tai looked up to find his math teacher staring down at him.

"Tai, the bell rang. Class is over."

Looking up, he saw that the classroom around him was already empty. Tai stood slowly and began to gather his books together. "Sorry, I guess I didn't hear the bell."

"Tai, if you need to talk..." His teacher patted his shoulder comfortingly, leaving the invitation hanging in the air.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, but I don't want to talk right now." Tai slipped out from under his teacher's hand and was out the door before anything else could be said.

_Everyone's trying to understand, but they just don't. They can't. This is all so useless, I just need to get out of here._

Tai headed to his locker to put away his books, but paused when he saw that Sora was waiting for him there. Ducking down a different hallway, he readjusted his backpack and headed for the nearest emergency exit.

_I know she just wants to help, but I don't want to talk to her yet. I just don't know what to say. The adults all act like I'm some stupid kid. All the other digi-destined act like I should know what to do. I don't know which is worse._

Once outside, Tai turned away from the soccer field and headed out the gate. Soccer used to be the thing he looked forward to the most during school, but that was not where he found his focus now. There was only one place he wanted to be.

The walk was familiar, but that was no surprise. Tai had taken this path many times in the last couple of days. He didn't even bother to look up as he walked, he knew each step in his heart. He didn't even look up when he finally reached his destination. Nor did he didn't acknowledge any of the friendly hellos, he was silent until he found himself in front of a pair of glass doors looking up at the clock above them. It was five minutes until 5pm, five minutes until visiting hours.

"Tai?"

Hearing his name, Tai turned to find Tk sitting in the open waiting room beside the doors. Even though the visiting hours were limited, only three times a day and only for 15 minutes at a time, Tk had steadfastly refused to leave the hospital. He had forcibly told his mother that he would not leave until his brother woke up. Tai understood how Tk felt, his own parents had basicall had to drag him away Sunday night.

"Where's your mom?" Tai noticed she wasn't sitting in the waiting room where he had last seen her.

"Her boss told her she could take some time off since Matt is in the hospital, but she had to go to work to fill out the paperwork. She said she'd come back as soon as she was done."

"She left you here?"

"She didn't want to, but I told her I wouldn't go with her."

"What about your dad? Where'd he go?" Tai remembered how upset Mr Ishida had been when he found out Matt was in the hospital. He had demanded that the hospital call the police and that they find out who hurt Matt. Of course, the hospital already had, but it didn't calm Matt's dad down.

"He was here earlier, but he told me that the police had some questions for him. He said he'd come back as soon as he finished with them."

Tk looked furatively around the waiting room before tugging Tai towards one of the deserted corners.

"Tai, I have to tell you something." Tk checked around them once more. He had been dying to talk to Tai alone, but one or both of his parents had been staying close to him every since they were called to the hosptial.

"What's up?" Tai was very curious about what Tk was being so secretive about.

"I heard something last night. I had gone in with mom to sit with Matt, but when visiting hours were over and we left, I realized that I had forgotten something in Matt's room. I went back to get it and I overheard the nurse and the doctor talking."

Tai leaned closer to Tk, his entire attention directed at the young blonde. Since the moment the adults had arrived at the hospital, all information about the older blonde had been kept away from them. Tai and Tk had tried to listen and to ask questions, but continually found themselves shooed from the room whenever the doctors and parents were discussing things. It had been more than frustrating.

"I didn't hear everything, just pieces really, but the doctor asked the nurse if there was any problems. She told him 'no,' that the nurses were making sure to be in the room with Matt whenever someone came to visit. She also said something about 'how horrible it was that someone had been hurting him for so long.' The doctor just agreed and said something about a sane nurse again and the police. I didn't get to hear anything else because one of the other nurses caught me and kicked me out."

"Hmm," Tai was staring thoughtfully at Tk, "Does that mean that this isn't the first time Matt's been hurt like this?"

"That's what it seemed like to me," Tk nodded seriously. "And I think it means that they think it might be one of us. Why else do they not want any visitors alone with him?"

"That can't be right." Tai looked at Tk, shock evident in his face. "None of us would hurt Matt. They're probably just being overly cautious. You know, so the psycho who did this to him can't sneak in and hurt him again."

"Whatever the case is, I'm going to get some answers today." Tk's face was grim.

Tai understood immediately, Tk was going to use his parents' absence to try to get information directly from the nurse or doctor. He nodded to Tk and gave him a equally grim smile of understanding and they both stood. It was 5, time to go see an old friend.

When they passed through the glass doors, they paused briefly to check in at the front desk and then continued on to Matt's room. The secretary at the desk had just waved them by, she knew them by sight. The two boys didn't know it, but all the nurses and the secretaries recognized them now. Matt had been adopted by the unit and he and everyone associated with him were now watched over by the staff.

Matt was in Bed #10. Tai had found it weird that they called it a bed, but it actually was a private room. He had thought about it for about a second when he first came to see Matt, and never thought of it again. It was easy for him to forget once he entered Matt's room. In fact, every time Tai entered the room, he found all his thoughts just faded away at the sight before him.

Today was no different.

Tk stopped when Tai stopped, just inside the doorway. It always took a minute for them to take everything in. Matt lay still on the hospital bed in the center of the room with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. Of course, it had to be open, otherwise, he couldn't have had the large, clear tube sprouting from his throat. This tube led to a large machine that seemed to hiss with air in a strange darth vader sort of way. A smaller tube emerged from his nose and led to a small pump that seemed to be feeding him a milkshake. Tai hoped he couldn't taste it, he didn't think that milkshake up the nose would taste very good. A small cluster of very thin tubes seemed to spring from his left upper chest and held a strange mixture of colored liquid, one white, like milk, one yellow, and a third that was clear. A monitor above the bed moved in the rhythm of Matt's heart. For once, it didn't look like anything major had change since their last visit. Really, the only difference seemed to be the small white towels that wreathed Matt's pale face. Tai let out a small sigh of relief, he had been getting tired of coming in and finding a new machine attached to his friend. In fact, looking at the machines that were already there, Tai had the slightly hysterical thought that maybe the hospital had simple run out of machines to attach to Matt. Of course, most of Tai's thoughts had a hysterical edge to them when he looked at Matt in that hospital bed. Neither Tai nor Tk noticed the nurse until she spoke.

"It's okay, you can come in," she stood up from behind the head of the bed where she had been partially hidden and smiled reassuringly at them as they hesitated in the doorway. "I was just finishing up."

As she spoke, she moved further into view. She was about average height for a japanese woman, which meant fairly short, and had unusal golden-brown eyes. When she turned fully towards them, they saw a small water-filled bucket and a couple of bottles in her hands. It seemed that the two boys had come in as she was finishing up Matt's bath an about to wash his hair. Normally, Tai wouldn't have given it a second thought, but, after the conversation with Tk in the waiting room and the fact that everytime they came in the nurse seemed to be just about to wash Matt's hair, he now knew it was simply a convient excuse to stay in the room with them. He didn't mind though, he wanted a chance to talk to the nurse. Plus, despite how touchy Matt was about his hair, '_don't touch the hair, man,' _he knew Matt would appreciate it.

Tk took the nurse's invitation and moved into the room to stand beside his brother. The sight of his brother seemed to banish Tk's earlier thoughts of interogating the hospital staff, but Tai hadn't forgotten. He stayed in the doorway watching the nurse as she washed Matt's hair and tried to figure out a way to get information from her. The nurse pretended not to pay attention to them as she worked, it gave Tk and Matt the illusion of privacy.

For her part, she tried not to listen to the desperate tone in the younger blonde's voice as he tenetively spoke his brother's name. Instead, the nurse focused on the task at hand. This was not the first patient she had taken care of that had been abused, but he was definately one that touched a raw spot in her. Amazingly, it wasn't the utter stillness of him lying there or the multiple injuries that showed so painfully against his too pale skin that was affecting her so much. It was his unruly, golden hair. The wounds on his body showed the evidence of abuse, but his hair implied it and therefore provided images that her imagination couldn't reject.

The nurse wet down the blonde strands, running her fingers through them as she did it. Matt's hair felt very fine, almost silky. But it was more like raw silk, the texture a bit rougher than it should have been. It also should have been straighter, calmer. She realized that his friends probably thought he styled it wild because it looked better that way. She also knew that he probably hadn't let anyone get close enough to know that it was wild, not because he wanted it that way, but because it had been ravaged. Her fingertips could feel the splintered hair shafts, the damaged hair fragile under her careful touch. As she gently massaged the shampoo in, she could feel the inflamed and irritated areas of his scalp. She knew what it meant and wished that she didn't. In her mind's eye, she could see hauntingly real images. She knew that the bright, golden hair had been used against the boy. His hair was just long enough to get a good grip on. And from the damage, that's just what had happened. She could almost see the dark figure grabbing the boy by his hair, using it as a handle to capture and abuse the boy. Shaking her head slightly, she rinsed the shampoo out and tried to banish the dark thoughts in the same manner as she rinsed away the bubbles.

Even though he was studying her, Tai wasn't able to read anything from the nurse's face. She had too much practice in hiding her emotions at work. Finally he stepped up behind Tk, laying his hand comfortingly on the younger boy's shoulder.

"Matt?" Tk's voice was soft and questing as he continued to try to reach his brother. When his words didn't work, he streatched a tenative hand towards his brother's. "Matt, it's me, Tk. Can you hear me?"

Tk didn't really expect Matt to talk to him since it wasn't exactly possible with the tube in his throat, but he stared at Matt's eyes willing them to open. He wanted some sign that Matt could hear him, that Matt knew he was there. He gave the fragile hand in his a gentle squeeze and watched his brother's face hopefully. He got a sign, but it wasn't what he wanted.

Tk let out a gasp and dropped Matt's hand like it burned. Tai hadn't been watching Matt like Tk had and so he hadn't seen what spooked his friend. And he didn't get a chance to look before Tk jumped backwards away from the bed and knocked them both into the window seat. As Tai tried to help the shaken boy stand, he almost dropped him completely when he finally looked up and saw Matt's face. A delicate, red tear was tracing a lonely path down Matt's cheek.

"Oh, god" Tai was breathless as the first bloody tear was joined by another. He stared in morbid fascination until a small, white clothe moved into his line of sight and erased all evidence of the crimson tears. Tai's eyes tracked up that arm until he found the nurse's sad eyes watching them.

"What the hell was that!" Tai couldn't help it, his voice just wasn't going to be calm after seeing that.

"He's very sick right now." The nurse's eyes didn't look away, but they didn't reveal anything either.

"He's crying _blood_, damn it! What the hell is going on?"

"Did I hurt him?" Tk's voice was timid, something Tai had noticed happening more often than he wanted. When the brunette looked down at the boy he was steadying, he saw fear in his friend's pale blue eyes. Tk was terrified that somehow his holding his brother's hand might have caused him to cry the bloody tears.

"No, you didn't hurt him." The nurse reassured the younger boy. She sighed briefly before she continued. A lot of people believed that children should be sheltered from the ugly realities of life, but in this case it was already too late. They had seen the damage that can happen and not knowing what was going on was worse for them then knowing. Somehow the unknown was always more frightening. She gave a small nod, more to herself than to them. "You brother is very sick, he is suffering from something called DIC."

The boys' faces where blank, neither of them had heard of it before. They stayed silent, waiting and hoping that the nurse would continue. Watching those expectant faces, she decided to try to explain it to them. However, she also decided that it would be better to explain what it was and not what it stood for; neither the scientific medical name nor the ICU's nickname for the disease would comfort the boys. After all, they didn't need to know that the nurses and doctors referred to DIC as Death...Is... The nurse shook her head and banished the name from her thoughts, she instead decided to give the two children an oversimplified description of the disease itself.

"Normally when a person gets sick, just a couple parts of the body are affected." The nurse continued, trying to keep the explanation from disintergrating into the technical, medical jargon that doctors were famous for. "Like a runny nose and a sore throat when you have a cold. DIC happens when the body is so very weak that a small illness grows larger until the entire body becomes sick. Unfortunately, when so many parts of the body are ill, the body becomes overwhelmed. There is so much to do and to fix, it can't figure out where to send help first and so it doesn't send help anywhere. Small cuts and scrapes that normally scab and heal in no time, just bleed without stopping. Usually it happens at the places that are more delicate; the mouth, nose, eyes and ears."

Tai glanced down at Matt again. He had thought the towels around Matt's head were for catching the water as the nurse washed his hair. But now that he looked closer, he noticed reddish stains on the towels. It seemed that's Matt's crimson tears had been falling even before he and Tk came to visit.

Tk just listened to the nurse's explanation. It scared him that his brother was so sick, but he felt some of the tightness ease from around his heart. The fact that his touch hadn't hurt Matt helped smooth away some of the terror in his eyes. Moving softly back to the bed, Tk timidly took his brother's hand in his again and sat down. The younger blonde seemed content for the moment to just sit with his brother, but Tai was not so easily satisfied. He moved to sit next to his friend, but kept his eyes on the nurse. She had answered their questions once, maybe she would do it again.

"Why doesn't he wake up?" Tai was smart enough to know not to leap into the toughest questions. Once the nurse had answered a few innocuous ones, he thought she'd be more likely to answer some of the harder ones.

"He can't wake up right now," she answered without the slight hesitation that marred her first explanation. "Right after he got here, he developed pneumonia, a really bad infection in his lungs. The doctors think it was the a mixture of his time spent out in the snow and the wounds he had suffered that brought it on. He was having so much trouble, we put him on the ventilator to help him breathe. But even when he slept naturally his body seemed to be fighting against something. The doctors finally gave him some medications that work to make him sleep and to paralyze him so that his body can't fight against the help we're giving him. This is especially important with the DIC. By keeping him asleep and doing the work for his lungs, we've taken one of the problems away. It gives his body a better chance to fight back and heal."

"He's paralyzed?" Tk felt himself drawn to the word.

"Just temporarily," she stated calmly. "Think of it like this...If Matt had hurt his legs and you knew that if he tried to walk on them he would only hurt himself more, you would carry him until they healed enough for him to walk on his own. Right?" She waited until she saw both blonde and brunette nod. "Well, that's what we're doing. We're just going to carry him for a little until he can do it on his own. Then we'll turn off the medications and he'll wake up."

Both boys let out simultaneous sighs, but for different reasons. Tk was reassured by her answer, Tai was reassured by the fact that she had answered. The brunette digi-destined was ready to move on to harder questions.

"What is a sane nurse?"

"What?" the nurse blinked, seemingly caught off guard by the shift in topic.

"A sane nurse. I heard someone mention calling for a sane nurse in the ER, but it didn't make sense. I mean, aren't all the nurses here sane? Why would they need to look for someone sane?"

The nurses clear golden-brown eyes darkened until they where the color of unsweetened coffe. For a long time she didn't answser them. Normally, she would never have brought something like a SANE nurse up to children, but she also believed that you should never lie to a patient or family member. She didn't want to explain, but she would stand by her principles. The truth might hurt, but lies had been known to kill. Besides, if the person that had hurt the older blonde was someone he knew, then his friends might either currently be or soon be victims of the same person. It was better to warn them so they could watch out for themselves and each other.

"Not sane, SANE," She didn't do anything unusual, but just in how she pronounced the word, Tk and Tai could hear the capitalized letters. "A SANE nurse works directly with the police and is trained for special situations. SANE stands for Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner."

"...sexual assualt..." Tai understood her words, but couldn't seem to really grasp them. Of all the situations he and Tk had dreamed up in the wee hours of the night, that one had never even been the slightest shadow of a thought.

Tk's soul felt a sharp stab of pain at the nurse's words. They triggered a reaction in his mind, allowing him to put together a few of the puzzles pieces. But that's just what they were. A few pieces, fragments, to a picture that Tk still couldn't see.

_-Stop it. Let go of me-_

'So, are you going to tell me what your problem is?'

'You are just one of many,'

_-No! Stop! Please, STOP-_

'It's horrible that someone has been hurting him for so long'

_-NO! STOP! PLEASE-_

But the few puzzle pieces weren't enough to reveal the hidden picture, especially when so many of the pieces were missing. And Tk knew with absolute clarity that finding out what the puzzle pieces formed was the second most important thing in his life right now. His brother, of course, was the first.

"Who?" Tai growled, he had quickly found his shock and pain pushed aside by anger. "Who would do something like that? What kind of _sick bastard _would do that to my best friend."

"We don't know," the nurse anwsered sorrowfully. "The SANE nurse examined him, but she couldn't find any evidence that might link the person to the crime. The police are doing everything they can to find out who has been hurting Matt. We all are."

"How long has it been going on?" Tk's voice held a quiet rage. Unlike Tai's anger, however, his was focused inward. _Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't I know?_

"It's hard to know with children sometimes..."

"How long?" Tk repeated, refusing the nurse's attempt to temporize.

"...a few years...at least..." She watched their faces as they seemed to flinch at her words. She wished that she could do something, anything to help them, but there was nothing else she could do for them. "I'm sorry."

Before anyone else could speak, a patently cheerful female voice came floated down form the speakers recessed in the ceiling. "Visiting hours are now over. Please make your way to the exit. I repeat: Visiting hours are now over. Please make your way to the exit."

"I'm sorry," the nurse repeated, this time for a different reason.

Tai pushed his anger down, forcing the hot fury to shrink into itself until finally it seemed to implode. It left him with a solid knot of ice in his heart and a determined plan in his mind. "Thanks."

Without another word Tai stood, drawing Tk to his feet with him. Tk was too overwhelmed by everything he had learned to resist Tai's pull as he was lead to the door of Matt's room. He pulled away from Tai briefly to ask one last question to the small, dark-haired woman. "You'll take care of him?"

"Yes."

The answer was simple, but Tk could hear the promise underneath. He didn't resist a second time when Tai grabbed his wrist and pulled him out the door. He let his thoughts chase shadows as he mindlessly followed in Tai's wake. He was completely oblivious to his surroundings until he stumbled on an icy patch of sidewalk. Only then did he look up to find that they had long ago left the hospital.

"No!" Tk tried to pull his hand away from Tai's grasp. "I can't leave. I can't leave my brother there alone. What if the person who hurt him comes back? What if he gets worse? I have to stay!"

"I know you want to stay with Matt, Tk, but I think there's something else we need to do. Visiting hours are over for the night, so even if you stayed, you wouldn't be able to see him again tonight. That also means that no one can get in to hurt him. Besides the nurse said she'd watch out for him."

"But..."

"Please, Tk, trust me. We have to talk to the others. This is the best way we can help Matt now."

It took a lot of arguing, but Tk finally gave in to Tai. Using Tk's cell phone, they contacted the original digi-destined and arranged for them to meet at Tai's house. Everyone agreed to come although they all knew that it would take some arguing of their own with their parents. After what had happened to Matt, none of the digi-destineds' parents were too eager to let them out at night. Tk had similar problems when he called his mother to let her know he was going home with Tai, but she was relieved enough that he had finally left the hospital that she let him go.

But even after Tk had agreed and all the arrangements were made, Tk and Tai continued to have their own private fight as they walked. They couldn't seem to agree about what they should tell the others. It was about a twenty minute walk from the hospital to Tai's apartment, and they had needed every minute to come to an agreement. Tk wasn't happy with Tai's argument, but he had finally given in to Tai. Yet another example of what made Tai the leader of their small group.

When they finally arrived at Tai's apartment, Tai's mother was waiting in the front hall for them. Three days ago, this would have been unusual for her, but she was just as scared as the other kids' parents. Tai didn't mind, not even when she gave him as quick embrace. He was glad to feel her arms around him after everything he had learned that afternoon. Tai waited for her to release him, but instead was surprised to find a second warm body pulled into the hug. Seeing the look of unfaded shock on the two boys' faces, Tai's mother had given what comfort she could. Tai had never been more thankful for his mother. A brief, but fierce battle was fought on Tai's face, but neither the tears nor the smile won.

"Mom?" Tai tried to get her attention.

"Yes?" was her answer into the space between his and Tk's head.

"Is it okay if the others come over? I really need to talk to them."

"Sure," she reluctantly released the two boys and stood up again. "I'll make some snacks for everyone."

"Thanks." The word was heartfelt and she understood that it wasn't because of the snacks.

Tk and Tai went into Tai's bedroom to wait for the others. They wanted to be somewhere private in case they needed to talk, or rather fight, again. But once they sat on the warm wooden floor, they realized that they didn't really have anything more to talk about at that moment. The decision had been made and all they could do was wait for their friends to arrive.

The others trickled in over the next 15 minutes or so. Sora was the first to arrive, but then, she was the closest to Tai's apartment. Joe and Izzy arrived together, having bumped into each other in the elevator up. Suprisingly, Kari was the last to arrive. She had been over at Ken's house. It seemed that the younger digi-destined had instinctively pulled each other closer in what had turned into an unofficial support group. No one in the younger generation was ever alone; if they weren't with their families, they were with each other. When Tai had learned about how the kids were looking out for each other, he had been extremely relieved. He had enough to worry about with Matt and with how Tk was holding up. If he had to face the fear of his sister out alone, potentially prey to the same person who hurt Matt, he knew he would have gone stark raving mad.

The room had remained utterly silent until Kari arrived. Sora, Joe, and Izzy had each seen how upset Tai and Tk were. Even after Kari had entered the room and sat down to complete the circle on the floor, no one spoke. Tai was the leader, they would wait for him to break the silence.

Tai turned his head slowly to search each of his friends' eyes. He wanted to say that he didn't know what he was looking for in them, but he couldn't lie to himself. One friend was hurt, maybe even dying, but there might be more. Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, he forced himself to break the heavy silence.

"Tk and I just got back from the hospital. I'm afraid there's something I have to tell you."

Sora paled and let out a soft gasp, her hand unconsciously seeking Kari's on the carpet beside her. Kari's own hand tightened around hers hard enough to reveal her own sudden fear. Both of the boys leaned forward suddenly, as if they thought that maybe they had misheard Tai. Their wide eyes begging him to take back his words.

"You don't mean...he couldn't have...when?" Only Joe seemed to be able to push past his fear enough to ask Tai what they all wanted, no, not wanted, needed to hear.

"No, Joe," Tk was quick to answer them, their loss of hope being almost physically painful to him. "Matt's still fighting, but he's getting worse."

"Worse? How?" While the Sora, Kari, and Izzy where letting out small sighs of relief, the part of him that drew him towards medicine pushed Joe to understand what was happening to his friend.

"They told us that he had developed something that's called, 'DIC.' That it meant that he was too sick for his body to fight off everything."

Eveyone listened quietly to Tai's explanation, but only Joe understood the lingering horror around the edges of Tai and Tk's eyes.

_Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation. That's bad, really bad. There's a chance that his body could start shutting down. He's more than worse, he's probably dying._

Joe had studied the disease in his text books and researched it on the web, but it wasn't until he had shadowed a doctor at a local hospital that he had truly understood the disease. He had seen a young woman lying in a hospital bed. Blood seemed to be everywhere; slow drops falling from her eyes, trails running out of her mouth, nose and ears to become hidden in her dark hair, the growing spots of red on the bandages on her arms. The male nurse taking care of her was making a valiant effort to keep pace with the crimson stain, trying to erase the blood that would only horrify her family if they saw it, but the blood wouldn't stop and he would never win the battle. The doctor had told Joe that the woman's kidneys and lungs had stopped working. And in those quiet corridors, he had heard the soft murmur of the staff. They had a different name for the disease, but he hadn't truly comprehended why they called it what they did. It wasn't until he returned 3 days later to follow the docotor on his rounds again that he understood and believed their soft voices. Despite all their best efforts, she had died.

_DIC...Death Is Coming_

'do you remember me  
lost for so long  
will you be on the other side  
or will you forget me  
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am i too lost to be saved  
am i too lost?'

...tbc

:) Don't you just love Evanescence?

Everyone like? Not exactly a cliffie this time, but I figured you guys could use a break. (especially since I've been so bad with updates)

I forgot to tell you. The other reason it took so long is because the chapter just kept going. I got to twenty pages and told myself just to find a good place to cut it and post the first completed section. I will try to finish up the next chapter faster (and with better editing)

Thanks again for sticking with me. I hope everyone liked it.

**Special Thanks to:**

**Fey Phantom: **_laughs _Well, you already know I wouldn't give away my ending ;P You'll have to wait and see. I'm glad you enjoyed the letter. Of course, some of it was from the show, but a lot of it was purely my imagination to how certain events would have occured. It was such a shame that the y only really showed Tai's meeting with his digimon. Just goes to show how biased they were ;) Sorry for the long delay, I'll try to be better nest time.

**KazamaFangirl: **_smiles _Yep, i fooled a lot of people with that last chapter, but strangely enough, I wasn't trying to. I even told everyone what I was doing in advance. As for killing or not killing of Matt, I don't have much to say about that. I'm afraid the decision will rest purely in Matt's hands (if his father doesn't take the decision away from him. But as for the rest of your demands, 'torture him, bring him to the brink of death, cause him pain and suffering,' your wish is my command ;P

**Amanda:** Thanks you so much for the review. It's hard to write Matt's letters. I'm so thrilled that so much emotion is coming through in them. I don't want to make things too graphic, but the emotions are different. I feel it's approriate to show the depth of emotion involved. I hope everyone likes Matt's last letter just as much. But you won't get to read it for a few more chapters. Stick around and let me know what you think when you get to it.

**Miyama Ishida: **_blushes shamefully_ I do intend to finish this. And I was definately much better at my updating until recently. I'll try to be better. Thanks for the review. :)

**Syaoran-Lover: **Definately, the entire situation is tragic. I'm going to be a bit more in depth on abuse in the next chapter, but it won't be graphic, it'll be analytical. And as you were hoping, we will see how the others handle the info about Matt's abuse. I hope it lives up to expectations. Thank you for the high praise on the letter. It made me smile so big :) Catch you next chapter

**Kari-HP:** _smiles_ Glad you like it so far. Come back and finish it up with me.

**Blue Tajiri: **_laughs_ Some many people are just desperately begging me to save Matt. I've got everything planned, don't worry. (I've already got my get away car ready) _giggles_ Hope I can find a good safe house to get away from the torch weilding fans. Joking! Joking!

**Bronwen:** :) Addicted already? Good to know. I hope you haven't been going through withdrawal. Thanks for joining us, catch ya next chappie

**VioletteMai: **Getting good? _teasing_ I'm so glad everyone likes the letters. They really are what the story is about. I hope you enjoy the rest as much. Ja ne!

**BrnttsDoItBest: **I'm making everyone cry. But since that is what I was aiming for, go me! _laughs _I'll try to give you guys a bit of a break before ripping your hearts out again. Enjoy it, thinks will continue to get darker.

**Jodi Crystal: **_smiles_ I envy you, you've already found the love of your life. I would hate to tear you guys apart, but for this story, Matt's mine, all mine _MWAhahaha Ahem_ But back to the story. Matt's alive for know, be happy (for now) ;)

**Acajou:** Good points. I love a reader that brings in more questions then I do. Unfortunately, i won't be sharing the story with Matt in the cave. it was a great scene in the anime and I just don't think I can do anything to improve it, so I'm going to leave it alone. As for Gabumon knowing about Matt's problem. He didn't 'know' as in have all the information (who, what, and so forth), but he did 'know' as in understood Matt's pain and fears. That is part of their relationship, they know what they need to, but also respect each others privacy. A complicated relationship that is based simply on instinctive knowledge. I really don't know if that make any sense to you, but it's the only answer I have. Unfortunately, the digimon won't have much to do with the story. This is a story about a human child abused by a human man, the digimon are background in it.

**DemonGirl666: **wow OO You are the only reviewer that asked me for that. I do understand what you're asking, though. Death would definately be easier for Matt. if he dies, he doesn't have to suffer anymore, he'll finally stop hurting. But if Matt dies, it leaves a lasting torment for his brother and his friends. So with suicide, it's not a matter of ending pain, but choicing who has to live with it. Thank you for the comments on the letters. That is exactly the emotions that I was aiming for. If he didn't have a little self loathing after everything he's been through, he wouldn't be believable. For some reason, probably the inability to admit lose of control, a lot of victims believe that everything happened because of something they did or didn't do. Poor boy will probably need a lot of therapy if they manage to stop his father and/or him from killing him/himself. Thanks for the review.

**LuV2Writ3: **_smiles _Glad you like it so far. It is definately going, just can't tell you where yet. It's a mystery ride on the torture express with the evil authoress as conductor. Hold on, it'll be a wild ride ;)

**black kitten: **_oops_ Well, it wasn't soon, but it is updated. Thanks for the review :)

**snowflke:** I'll tell you a secret _whispers_ The letters make me cry too. I know I'm done with the letter when I read it again and end up with tears in my eyes. I hope the last letter turns out well. by the way, I love your name :) Thanks and catch ya next chappie

**Butterflie fka Crimson Goddess: **_laughs_ I know, I know. i actually like Mr Ishida in the series, he's a good guy and a good papa. But, that being said. I needed a villian and he fit the necessary requirements. I hope you don't hate me too much for the massive character assasination, but I hope that it is worthwhile for the story's plot. As for the 'lighter chapters,' they are only lighter if you don't know Matt's being abused. Since of course, we all know, there is a lot of angst right under the surface. I'm glad you liked the cliffie. _laughs_ I'm quite proud of my cliffies. Please come back and let me know what you think of the rest of the story. Ja ne!

**Gabriel of Dreams-Yume Chan: **I will definately finish it, I promise. But I may have to beg your indulgence with the time it takes to update, got a lot going on right now. I'll be as good as I can. :)

**yamatoforever: **You've got good instincts. Yep, Matt's father was definately not happy with Matt and took it out quite painfully on him. You'll find out more about that in another chapter. And yes, as you read above, the doctors definately figured out what was going on. The only thing is, Matt can't tell them who hurt him, even if he was willing to. Should lend itself to some nice plot twists, ne? ;P

**Violet Cleric:) **Glad you liked the chapters so far. Thanks for the review, I hope you stick around for the rest.

**weird1:** _laughs_ I'm so happy you like my story, but don't die! You won't get to finish it if you do. leave the dying to Matt (I'm KIDDING _Back fangirls, back!_) Hope you liked this one as well.

**EllaJ.W:** _oh crap_ I'm so sorry _I feel so bad_ I read your review and I thought 'EllaJW, where have I seen that before?' And then I remembered, it was from **My Brother's Keeper** that I read, really enjoyed and forgot to leave a review for since it was 4 in the morning. God, I feel like such a heel after you where so nice and left a review for mine. Thanks for the reviews. I'm so happy you liked the story. And I'm ecstatic that you loved the letters. Since the first letter was really the basis of the story it is extremely important to me. The letters are also the most difficult to write, so I'm glad to hear that they are giving all the emotions I want them to. As for the mention of the group bath...Would you believe that it happened in the series after his wounds healed?...How about this is an alternate reality and it never actually happened, it was a dream concocted in the heads of pervy yaoi fangirls?...How about...I forgot and we will never mention my truly moronic slip of the pen/keyboard? _blushed oops _Yeah, something like that. Thanks again for the review. I'll swing by and read and review, i promise. Plus, I still need to check out the sequel, ne ;) oh yeah _conspiratory whisper_ You are definately on the right track about Matt having serious trust issues after what happened, but you forgot about one other thing, or should I say person. Enjoy the hint ;P

**Hsiu: **wow, thanks for such wonderful praise. I do love the characters in digimon. It's one of the great things about anime, the fact that they usually have some deeper characters in them. And in the more children oriented animes, those beautiful characters are just not fully explored. It really lets us play with them. It's so much fun. Please come again and enjoy the rest of the story :)

Thanks again! Please leave a little light and I'll catch you next chapter :)


	7. Welcome To My Life

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned these bishie boys and these wonderful songs. sniff You should all thank your lucky stars ;)

**Warning: **Nothing horrid, mention of abuse and drugs, but nothing graphic

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone, welcome back. Sorry for those waiting for World so Cold, I was on a roll with Happy Birthday and couldn't stop. I'm still working on it never fear. For those of you following this story, thanks for all of your reviews, they mean so much to me. I would like to address one question that a reader asked. (Thank you for asking Syaoran-Lover, it is an important question). All medical terms (even the nickname for DIC) and statistics are true. Anything I didn't know, I researched. I play with background and characters in my stories, but the point of this story is the horror of child abuse/molestation. Sadly, the most tragic part of the story is the truth in it. You'll see what I mean when you read it.

**Happy Birthday**

**Chapter VII: Welcome To My Life**

'Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me'  
-'Welcome To My Life' by Simple Plan

_DIC...Death Is Coming..._

"Joe?"

Joe fought the shiver running down his back and kept his memories to himself. He told himself that it had just been one case. He told himself that not everyone died. The disease could be fought and conquered, his text books had that in print. And if anyone could do it, Joe believed Matt could. _But..._

"Joe?" Sora repeated, calling his attention to her. "Will he be alright?"

Even though Joe wasn't a doctor, Sora had come to trust and depend on him as if he were. All of the digi-destined had learned to trust his knowledge and his reliability.

"DIC can be treated." Joe's voice was full of certainty. He tried to drill it into himself while at the same time reassuring his friends. "It can be treated."

The room fell into an awkward silence at Joe's answer. Even though they all seemed to accept Joe's reassurance, the room didn't resume a normal atmosphere. Kari and the others knew that Tai had more to say. They also somehow understood that they hadn't heard the worst part yet.

"I'm afraid that's not everything. There's something else I need to tell you." Tai looked confused at how to start. He had been the one to push for this, but now he wasn't sure what the best way to do it was. "There's something I need to ask each of you..."

Tai stopped talking and abruptly stood. Walking away from his friends, he ran his hand through his unruly brown hair and let out a sound that was something between a grunt and a strangled scream of frustration. Taking a couple deep breathes, he turned to face his friends and tried again.

"Tk and I learned about something today." Looking into Tk's eyes, Tai could see the normally light blue eyes were dark and forbidding. Tk was mad. Tai was too, but he was more worried. He hoped Matt would forgive him, hoped Tk would, too. He pushed on. "I think it's important that we all talk about it, but Tk doesn't agree. He thinks Matt might hate us for telling you. He might be right, but I truly don't care. I am furious with Matt right now, because he never talked with us about this. One of the reasons Tk finally agreed to let me tell you about this is because I reminded him that you are Matt's friends and you would never hurt him. And I know you would never repeat to anyone what I'm going to talk to you about today."

"Also, I just want to say that there's no blame here. If Matt talked with you about this or you figured it out on your own and Matt convinced you not to tell anyone, I understand. We just want to know about it. We need to figure out who did this." Tai meant every word. He had thought about it a lot on the way home; the idea that one of his friends had known, but not helped Matt. Just thinking about it, he had wanted to deal out some hard punishment to anyone who might have failed Matt that badly. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that they didn't have the time or the luxury to blame each other. He had decided that he would forgive and forget as much as he could if it meant finding the bastard that had hurt his friend.

Tai took a deep breath and continued. "And finally, most importantly, I wanted to make sure that none of you have gone through what he has. If anyone here has been hurt by the person who hurt Matt, I ask you to trust us and talk to us, for yourself and for Matt. We're your friends and we would do anything to protect you."

Four pairs of eyes had shifted from him to Tk and back again as Tai spoke. The others were confused and a little afraid because of Tai's speech. They were trying to read Tai and Tk's faces to get a clue about what had caused such serious words from their normally carefree leader. Tk's face didn't reveal anything, his eyes never left Tai's face. He knew that they had reached the point of no return. Tai merely sat down in front of them and braced himself for the explosion.

"Matt was sexually assaulted."

A sudden wall of silence crashed down on the group. Wide eyes stared in horror and denial at Tai's revelation. But something that terrible did not sit well in silence and, surprisingly, that silence was shattered by Izzy. His usually calm voice and prolific vocabulary were reduced to one outraged word. "Raped?"

Tk visibly flinched at the word. Somehow it had sounded less evil to say 'sexually assaulted.' Dropping his gaze to the floor, Tk fought the fresh tears that threatened to spill free. He held them back, trying to banish them completely. They only cleared away after he made a deal with himself. _I won't cry, not until I find the bastard that did that to my brother!_

After the immediate shocked reaction, the room became a riot of questions.

"Who did it?"

"Did they arrest him?"

"They should shoot him!" That, of course, was contributed by Tai's own dear, sweet, and, dare he think it, innocent sister.

"When did it happen?"  
-"Why didn't he go to the police?"  
"Why would someone do that?"  
-"What should we do?"

Everyone was talking over each other. Tai let them. Instead of trying to control the conversation, he turned his attention to his friends' reactions. Tk sat quietly beside him, his eyes on the floor and his lips moving without sound. Izzy had subconsciously grabbed his laptop and held it closed in his lap. His hands held on so tightly that his knuckles were blanched white. He hadn't spoken much since his initial outburst, instead his wide eyes followed the ricocheting conversation as if tracking a tennis ball in a lighting fast match. Joe also didn't say much, it seemed the loud and chaotic conversation was mostly originating from the two girls. But unlike Izzy who watched the crossfired questioning intensely and Tk who concentrated on not hearing the questions, Joe seemed to be staring past everyone and everything. The look on his face seemed to suggest he was trying to see through the wall behind Tai. From his furrowed brows, Tai didn't think he was very successful. Sora and Kari looked like mirror images. Both girls sat forward, questions coming at higher and higher octaves. Identical looks of rage covered their faces and seemed to grow stronger as if they were feeding off of each other's energy. What he didn't see in any of the faces of his friends and sister was the shadow of guilt that would have spoken of previous knowledge of Matt's rape nor the pain that would have been a sign of another silent victim.

"Enough!" Tai raised his voice to be heard over the shouting. He waited for the emotion-laden voices to stagger to a halt before he continued. "The way I see it is that somewhere out there is a mean SOB that has been torturing Matt. We need to find out who it is so that when Matt gets better and goes home, he will be safe."

"Don't the police have anything?" Kari asked, turning to her brother. "I mean, in all the TV shows, there is always some sort of evidence. DNA, fingerprints, a witness..., something. The police should be able to find out who did it."

"It's not that simple," Tk answered her. "The nurse at the hospital said the examiner wasn't able to find any evidence."

"But there has to be something," Sora insisted, agreeing with Kari. "How could there be no evidence? It doesn't seem possible."

"Actually, there are a lot of ways to destroy evidence." Izzy spoke up finally. "One of the easiest ways is to wash up. Soap and water can destroy a lot of evidence. Plus, if the...rapist...used protection, there might not be any DNA to find."

"Also, Matt seemed to be trying his best to hide this," Joe added to Izzy's comments. "He might have destroyed evidence himself in an attempt to keep things a secret."

"Then how can we possible find out who did it, especially if the police can't. Even if Matt wasn't trying to keep it from us, he's too sick to be able to talk to anyone right now." Sora wanted to help Matt, but couldn't see what they could find out that the police couldn't.

"I know. I didn't say it would be easy, but we have to try." Tai's voice almost sounded defeated, but his eyes held only determination.

"We do have one advantage over the police," Izzy added quietly.

"What?" Sora turned her attention to him.

"We know Matt." Izzy sounded completely sure of himself, but Tai wouldn't have agreed with him. Tai knew how well Matt had hidden from them and was beginning to think that maybe they didn't know him at all. Izzy obviously didn't feel the same way. He continued without hesitation. "There is no one that knows him as well as we do. He may have been trying to keep it a secret from us, but there had to be signs. We just didn't know what we were seeing."

"What kind of signs?" Kari scooted closer to where Izzy sat.

"I don't know, but I'm sure I can find out." Izzy opened up his laptop and suddenly found five warm bodies pressed up against his back. "Um, guys, a little room here."

Tai, Tk, and Joe moved back to give him room, but the girls took advantage of his use of a male-gendered term and stayed right where they were, peering over his shoulders at the screen..

"While I look for this, could you tell us everything you know, Tai?"

"Everything I know?" Tai didn't mean it as a question to Izzy, it was more to prompt himself to remember. "I know that whoever raped him also beat him. I know they almost killed him. And I know that the hospital thinks that it has probably been going on for a few years."

Tai's felt his anger multiplying with each sentence. He paused to take a breath and found the momentary silence filled by Tk.

"I think the hospital suspects it is someone close to him," Tk added shrewdly. "They have the nurses sitting guard with him whenever there are visitors, and the only visitors allowed are close friends and relatives."

Everyone except for Izzy tried to process what Tk had said. They couldn't believe that a stranger could be sick enough to do that to their friend, but to even consider someone that was supposed to love and care about him doing it. It was unbelievable, horrifying.

"I found something. It's about child abuse in general, but does talk about sexual abuse specifically as well." Izzy's voice returned their attention to him and his laptop. He scanned the document, reading aloud anything that seemed relevant to Matt's situation.

"'In the sixty seconds it will take you to read this introduction, 25 children will be abused in some form or fashion.'" Izzy paused in disbelief and reread it again to himself before glancing down at his watch. _Sixty seconds._ The idea that one small moment in time could be measured in the screams of children was chilling. _25 children._ Izzy almost regretted his idea to look this up. He knew the more he read, the worse he'd feel. But he also knew he needed to do this, he would risk the nightmares he knew it would bring him if it could help Matt.

He cleared his throat and continued, "'It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually victimized by the time they reach adulthood.'"

Tai was disturbed by the numbers Izzy was quoting. S_tatistics. It sounds so coldly factually, but it isn't just about the numbers. That 'one in six' is my best friend. Can there really be that many children being hurt or raped? My math class has 24 kids in it, 14 guys and 10 girls. If that statistic is true then, besides Matt, there are at least three other kids in my class who will be hurt like that. If they haven't already been._

The faces of his friends and classmates played across Tai's thoughts. He almost didn't catch Izzy's next sentence.

"'90 of abusers are known to the victim and include relatives or other caregivers.'" Izzy looked up at Tk, "No wonder the hospital thinks it could be a friend or family member."

"Is there anyone you can think of who might have hurt him?" Joe addressed his question to Tk. "Anyone he seemed afraid of? Or just didn't like?"

"I can't think of anyone that could possibly be able to do that to him. But since we don't live together, I just don't know. I don't know anybody on my Dad's side of the family. Mom never let me go with them on visits. But as far as Matt being afraid of anyone," Tk almost laughed. "You know my brother, he didn't seem to be afraid of anything or anyone."

Tk paused for a second, the edge of a memory tugging at his thoughts. It was something that felt dark, had some sort of edge to it that felt significant. Tk tried to bring the memory forward as the others talked around him.

"You're right," Tai nodded at Tk's answer, not noticing the distracted look on the young blonde's face. In all the time he had known Matt, Tai only remembered seeing him scared once. But it hadn't been a fear of someone, it had been a fear for someone. When they had first journeyed to the digital world, they had been separated from each other. After Tai and Matt met up again, they ended up in a fist fight, which was actually pretty normal back then, over searching for the other lost children. After some yelling and a few thrown punches, Tai had managed to pin Matt and was more then willing to knock his block off when he looked down into the blonde's scared, blue eyes. Tears had fallen as Matt spoke of his fear for his little brother's safety. Tai had always thought of Matt as a real pain in the ass, always that is, up until that moment. That was when he understood that Matt's actions were never for himself. It really had been that moment that he had somehow known that they would become best friends. Tai had always respected people who gave their loyalty and fought to protect their loved ones. He had never told Tk about that fight on the snowy island, and he was confident that Matt hadn't either.

"I hate to say it," Kari spoke over Izzy's voice as he continued to quote from his screen, "but this isn't helping us. Raw numbers and statistics won't help us find out who hurt him. Maybe it would help if we could find something that can help us figure out when it might have started. If we know when, we might be able to narrow it down to who."

Izzy paused and looked up from his screen. Looking around, he could see grim agreement from the others at Kari's statement.

"Alright," he typed rapidly into the laptop. "Here's a site about how to recognize assault and abuse."

Kari peered back over his shoulder at the screen and saw a simple listing under the heading of 'Child Abuse.' Each numbered entry under the heading had the main word or words in the sentence in blue font. The site was deceptively simple, but each of those blue words would lead to a new page and a deeper meaning. Kari began reading the page before Izzy could even open his mouth.

"'Signs of child abuse/molestation may sometimes be difficult to see, because the child may not show what are considered the most common signs of abuse. However, in most cases, the victim will show one or more of the following signs.  
-1. The child may experience _school related problems_.  
-2. _Symptoms of depression _may affect victims' everyday lives.  
-3. Victim may begin to have numerous, poorly explained _injuries_.  
-4. The victim may begin to demonstrate _risky behaviors_.'"

"But none of that sounds like Matt," Sora looked up from the screen. "He's one of the most popular kids in school, makes good grades, plays in a band. He never acts dumb like the other boys. You know, never does those stupid extreme tricks on rollarblades and such. And besides his hand, I can't remember the last time he had any type of injury."

Tai opened his mouth to answer her, but didn't really know what to say. Everything she said made sense, but only if you didn't know Matt had been hurt by someone. He wasn't willing to trust what he had believed to be true, not anymore. Not with his best friend lying beaten and raped in the hospital without having ever spoken a word of what had been happening. It was time to suspect everything and everyone. Looking over his friends, Tai noticed that while almost everyone was nodding with what Sora said, only Joe sat in a deep, withdrawn silence.

"What are you thinking about, Joe?" Tai kept his words mild, growling wouldn't help even if it would make him feel better.

"Could you click on number 3?" Joe didn't answer Tai, but instead directed his attention to Izzy.

Izzy did as Joe asked and Kari's soft voice continued with the next page. "'It is important to be sure that injuries in a suspected case of child abuse are not caused by natural accidents or biological illness in the child. Injuries may include bruises, burns, bite marks, hair damage, fractures, or abdominal injuries. A good indicator of injuries caused by abuse is an inconsistent story with how an injury happened. Another sign is if there are multiple injuries that are in various stages of healing. However, it may be difficult to spot the abuse because, even though many victims often have injuries to the face and head, a pra'"

Kari's face had been serious as she read from the page, but she suddenly staggered to a halt. Sitting back, she turned away from the screen and from the others in the room. She fought not to cry, but Tai could see her shoulders shaking as Izzy bravely continued where she had left off.

"'A practiced abuser is more careful and may target areas that are less visible. Generally, once abuse starts it will increase in frequency and severity.'"

Even though he wanted to go to his sister's side, Tai stayed where he was. He and Tk had been studying Joe's face as Kari and then Izzy had read. They hadn't liked what they had seen. Joe had closed his eyes partly though the recitation and had a look of physical pain on his face.

"What's going on, Joe?" Tai asked.

"What do you know?" Tk spoke in the same breath as Tai.

"I'm sorry," Joe breathed out heavily. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know...really...I...I just didn't think..."

The others looked up to watch Joe with a growing dread. Swallowing thickly, Joe tried to speak, but couldn't seem able to continue. Whether it was because of their friend's distress or simply because of their overwhelming need to know what secret he had inadvertently hidden, Tai and Tk both moved forward. They didn't exactly walk or crawl over to him, but rather scooted forward on their knees until they were almost directly in front of him, flanking him. Tai reached out and placed his hand on Joe's shoulder while Tk gently touched the hands that fidgeted in his lap. The gestures weren't threatening. They didn't need to threaten Joe, he was already in enough pain. What he needed was support so that he could talk about it.

"Please, Joe," Tk said softly. "What didn't you know?"

Joe felt their hands on him and tried to draw courage from their support. In his mind, he blamed himself for everything that happened. He was the one who wanted to be a doctor, he was 'old reliable Joe.' But he had failed Matt, and he needed to explain to the others now what he had done. Or rather, what he had failed to do.

"I didn't know what was happening to Matt." Joe's voice was strained, half answer, half explanation.

"No one did, Joe," Tai tried to be reassuring.

"No, you don't understand." Joe looked up angrily at Tai, eyes wet with unshed tears. "I should have known. If anyone should have figured it out, it was me. Think about it. For as long as I've been friends with you guys, you've come to me for minor bumps and bruises. All of you. That means Matt, too."

The others were silent, thinking over what Joe had said. They didn't understand what Joe was trying to tell them. Tk was the first to figure it out. His eyes narrowed as he spoke to the anguished boy.

"What did you see, Joe?"

"What!" Tai's hand on Joe's shoulder was trembling from effort as he fought himself to keep from shaking his friend. "You knew! Why didn't you tell anyone!"

"Tai," Tk's words were flat, yet strangely calming. "Let him explain."

Tai looked back and forth between Tk and Joe before finally forcing himself to release Joe's shoulder. He scooted back a few inches to try to forestall any further urges for violence.

"I'm sorry, Tk. I'm so sorry. Tai, you have to believe me, if I truly thought someone was hurting Matt, I would have told you guys." Joe looked at them, his eyes pleading for understanding. They didn't answer him, but they didn't yell at him either. Joe swallowed again and tried to answer Tk's earlier question. "It wasn't much. I didn't really even notice it at first. Matt would come to me to take care of a sprained wrist or something else minor. It didn't seem to be any different from any of the rest of you all, so why would I have noticed?"

As Joe spoke, he seemed to be trying to justify things to himself. But as he continued to try to explain, his carefully cultivated 'doctor's' speech fragmented. His words came stumbling over each other, his chaotic thoughts easily seen in his ramblings. The lapse in his normal speech patterns was almost as disturbing to his friends as what he was attempting to explain to them.

"Tai, you always came to me for sprained ankles and such from soccer. Izzy, how many times did you come to me because you weren't paying attention and bumped into something? It all seemed so minor and he always had a perfectly reasonable explanation. But gradually, I noticed that he seemed to be coming to me more often then the rest of you guys. I didn't think too much about it until I realized that even though most of his explanations began with 'I was a little clumsy,' I had never actually seen Matt do anything klutzy. Heck, even the girls have to admit that Matt's the most graceful one of us. I never saw him trip or bump into something. And he doesn't play any sports. I couldn't figure out why he always seemed to get injured. I told myself that it was nothing. That it was a growth spurt. That maybe he was just clumsy when he was distracted, you know, like with a pretty girl or something. I told myself it was probably all very logical. But there came a time when he seemed to always have some new little injury and I guess I couldn't really keep from bringing it up with him. I didn't think anyone could be hurting him. He would tell us if they were, right? I just didn't know what to say so I started saying things like how he was 'clumsy enough to be the only patient I needed.' I joked around with him about it. I thought that if there was something wrong, it would let him know he could talk to me about it. But he only laughed with me, saying things like, 'with a patient like him, I'd never go hungry.' His joking reassured me. I thought I had just been making too much of it. And it wasn't long after we started joking about it that I realized that Matt wasn't getting injured as often. In fact, the only times I took care of any injuries were when I noticed them and asked him about them. Like when he twisted his ankle a several months ago and when he slammed his hand in the door recently."

"If I hadn't been so blind..." Joe scrubbed harshly at the tear tracks on his cheeks. "If I had just asked him straight out about how he was getting hurt, maybe I could have helped him. Maybe he wouldn't be in the hospital today."

"It's not your fault," Sora leaned over and gave Joe a comforting hug. "You did your best to take care of him. It's not your fault that he tried to hide his injuries from you."

Joe didn't answer her, he didn't want reassurances. He was grateful for her words, but he just didn't believe them.

"Joe, do you remember when Matt stopped coming to you for his injuries?" Tk felt a slight pang of empathy for Joe's pain, but didn't allow himself to give in to it. He hoped his friends would understand and forgive him, but he had to stay focused. First, he would help Matt, everything else was secondary.

"Well," Joe paused, trying to remember the last time he and Matt had joked around while he doctored him. "I think it was about a year ago, when he injured his knee. He let me practice a little after I splinted it."

"Practice? Wasn't that when you turned him into 'Mummy Matt?'" Kari couldn't help the sudden laugh at the memory.

"Yeah, that was it." Joe's forced laugh was a pale reflection of Kari's.

"A year ago?" Tai frowned at Joe's answer and looked in askance to Tk. "You don't think? Do you...?"

"I do."

"What?" Sora asked the two boys, her face showing her frustration at their cryptic exchange. "What's significant about a year ago?"

"Tai and I recently realized that Matt has been avoiding spending time with us. But the only problem was, we couldn't figure out when he started to pull away from everyone." Tk answered her.

"I hate to say it, but I hadn't really noticed it until Tk brought it to my attention." Tai tried to explain to the others. "He told me that Matt wasn't hanging out with him like he used to. And when I thought about it, I realized the same was true about Matt spending time with the rest of us. We thought that maybe something had happened a few months ago, because that's when it seemed more obvious that Matt was avoiding us."

"Avoiding us?" Sora looked confused. "But we just went to one of his concerts. And it was only a few weeks ago that he came to cheer me on at my recital."

"That's true, Sora," Tai nodded before adding, "But when did you last just hang out with him? When did you last see him that didn't involve one of the digi-destined needing a little support?"

Sora was silent as she thought about what Tai said. As Tai looked around the room, he saw the others giving his words the same thoughtful contemplation.

"The problem is, I think Tai and I were wrong." Tk was too impatient to wait for the others to finish searching their memories. "We thought it was something recent, but now I think it's been going on even longer than we imagined. I bet he has been slowly pulling away from us, doing it so gradually that we didn't even realize it. And I'd be willing to bet that it was not long after he realized that Joe was catching on."

"I think your right, Tk." Tai nodded as the younger blonde spoke. "If he wanted to keep something like this a secret then it would have been impossible if Joe started figuring it out. Joe, he had to know you would do something if you figured it out. We all know you wouldn't keep quiet about something like that, even if he asked you to."

Joe sadly acknowledged Tai's words with a brief nod, but again the encouraging words didn't help him. He only felt more positive that he had made things worse. Joe couldn't help but think that it was his suspicion that had forced Matt to hide even more from all of them and, therefore, it was his fault that Matt had gotten hurt so badly.

"Joe, when did Matt first come to you about an injury?" Kari could see the self-recrimination is Joe's eyes and tried to shift his attention.

"I'm not sure." Joe hesitated. "I think it was two, maybe two and a half years ago. It was definitely sometime after we returned from the digital world. I remember thinking how happy I was that Matt trusted me enough as a friend to come to me since he had always been so stubborn and never asked for help in the digital world. At the time, I thought it was a good thing."

"So it most likely started several months after we came back from the digital world?" Sora theorized.

"Then we should look into who he met and spent time with after the digital world, ne?" Kari added onto Sora's idea.

"That would be a logical hypothesis." Izzy commented. "Tk, what was the biggest change in Matt's life after the digital world?"

"There were a lot of changes for Matt after the digital world. I guess the biggest ones would be that he changed schools and he started playing in a band."

"Those are good places to start." Tai frowned at something. "Izzy, wasn't there something about schools on the site?"

Izzy nodded and back clicked on the website. He read aloud, "'The child may experience _school related problems_.'" Clicking on the blue words, he found a new screen opening on his computer. "'Many times the stress of abuse can take a serious toll on a child's life. One of the signs of this is a sudden change in school habits. A previously high achiever may suddenly find themselves doing poorly in classes. Attention span decreases and grades fall. Many times the abused child will begin skipping classes altogether.'"

"That's odd," Tai's frown deepened. "Matt's in most of my classes. I know he is getting better grades than I am."

"That's not saying much," Kari attempted to make a joke at her brother's expense to lighten the heavy tension in the room, but it fell flat.

"What I'm trying to say is that in the last three years, I don't think Matt has received a grade lower than a B."

"Well, it did say something about abused children not always showing all the signs." Sora pointed in the direction of the computer. "Maybe he just wasn't affected that way."

"That's possible," Tk nodded slowly. "But I think if this happened at school or because of someone at school that we would definitely see signs of it in his grades."

There were silent nods around the room. Everyone seemed to agree with Tk. After all, it only seemed natural that a person would try to skip school or not pay attention if the person who had hurt them was there.

"So we can probably rule teachers and such out as possible suspects," Tai looked around at the others for agreement. "What about his band? I know we all went to his concerts, but I never really spent time with the band. Did any of you guys?"

Everyone exchanged looks, waiting for someone to volunteer some valuable piece of information. Unfortunately, though they had supported their friend in his music, they hadn't been much more involved than just the usual concert watching and cheering. Tk had followed Matt's musical career a lot closer than the others, but he didn't speak up. His thoughts were pulled again to the dark memory that kept nagging at him just out of his reach.

"It is theoretically possible that Matt's horrendous experience started with the formation of his band." Izzy stated the possibility as blandly as he could. "The timing appears to coincide."

"I don't think Matt's band mates would have hurt him." Tk answered slowly. "I've been backstage at his concerts and he seemed to be pretty friendly with them. I don't think he'd be comfortable with anyone who could hurt him like that."

"Maybe they know something we don't," Joe frowned. "I mean, maybe he said something or did something that would give us a clue."

"It may be a stereotype, but many musicians seem plagued with problems like drug addiction and suicide," Izzy spoke thoughtfully as he turned back to the screen and clicked the fourth link. "Maybe when he was with his band, he let his pain come out in risky behaviors."

"You mean drugs?" Kari's eyes grew wide at that. "Surely Matt wouldn't do something that stupid."

"'Sexual abuse is extremely traumatic to children.'" Izzy decided to answer Kari's question with the information on his laptop. "'Many times, due to overwhelmed coping mechanisms, victims will turn to risky behavior patterns as a way to release some of their pain. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco may be used in the place of coping. Increased sexual activity may also be evident. It is very important to also look for evidence of self harm. Problems such as anorexia or cutting could lead to serious injury or death (please see _depression_).'"

"Oh God," Sora mumbled, "He couldn't. He wouldn't. Matt would never do that. Never do drugs, never hurt himself. This is too much. Why does everything we learn only make things seem worse?"

Sora covered her face, she was feeling overwhelmed at the thought of Matt intentionally hurting himself. Kari moved around Izzy until she was next to Sora. With gentle arms, the younger girl pulled the older into a comforting embrace. Tai was proud of his sister, proud she could reach out to comfort a friend when he could see how much she was hurting inside as well.

"Matt wouldn't do drugs," Tk voice was hard with conviction.

"We don't know what Matt would or wouldn't do," Tai was still full of uncertainty when it came to predicting his friend's behavior. "He hid so much from us. Why are you so certain he wasn't hiding that too?"

"Because I know he wouldn't."

The dark shadow of a memory had finally come forward, spurred on by the conversation around him. Why was he so certain? He couldn't really explain, not in a way that Tai would understand. Tk knew that Tai wasn't willing to trust their memories of his brother. But with Matt lying unconscious in the hospital, Tk's memories were the only things he had to link him to the brother he knew. He reached towards the nagging memory and brought it forward, trying to remember everything about it. He knew there was something about it, something important, something he hadn't noticed at the time. As he pulled the memory around him like a blanket, he tried to see what he hadn't seen before. Closing his eyes, he remembered his brother of the past. He tried to find some darkness hidden inside Matt, but, somehow in his memories of when he was younger, his brother always seemed to shine so brightly.

* * *

-flashback- 

It had been almost a year and a half ago. Tk was 10 and Matt was 13. Matt's new band was participating in a battle of the bands concert and Tk was backstage with him. Because it was sponsored by a club, all the bands had to share the same large room while they waited to perform. The room was a riot of noise, some musical and some not. After all, teenage boys were not known for being soft-spoken. Tk wandered around the room, sort of mingling, but not really talking to anyone. He had always enjoyed music, probably because of Matt, and as he moved around the room he could catch the other bands practicing. It was an unusual mix of pop, rock, and hard metal, but somehow it worked together. Not being very musical himself, Tk felt just a little out of place. But he didn't mind at all, he was watching his brother and couldn't be happier.

Matt seemed to glow, his eyes lighting up and his hands strumming playfully along his guitar strings as he talked and laughed with his band mates. The light from Matt seemed almost infectious, as if he could somehow share his light of friendship. His friends smiled and laughed with the same ease, their eyes almost as bright. As he talked, the tall blonde seemed completely focused on his friends, not letting himself be distracted by the chaos around him. Tk smiled slightly at that, he knew Matt always gave his complete attention to his friends. It was just another thing that made him such a good friend.

"Hey, kid."

The rough voice was enough to startle Tk without the equally rough hand being placed on his shoulder. But while it was the voice caught his attention, it was the hand that caused him to jump. When he turned around, he found a tall, almost anorexic-looking, brunette standing next to him. Tk didn't know the boy, but he did recognize him as one of the guitarists from one of the many bands.

"You're new here. You a roadie? Or a groupie..." Even though Tk hadn't spoken, the older boy, Tk thought maybe 15 or 16, knew he had the young blonde's attention. The boy's dark eyes stared into his own blue ones with an odd intensity.

"Roadie or groupie?" Tk repeated. He didn't know much about the musical scene and wasn't sure exactly what the boy meant.

"Do you help the bands out? You know, load equipment, carry things."

"Oh, not exactly." Tk answered. Matt's band was pretty broke; what they owned, they could pretty much carry themselves.

"So you just sorta come and watch?"

Tk nodded silently. The boy's dark eyes seemed to shine at his answer and Tk found that he was a little spooked by them. The blonde couldn't explain it, but the strange eyes seemed to shine, not with light, but with darkness.

"That's good to know." The smile on the boy's lips didn't match his eyes. The brunette released his shoulder, but before Tk could take a step back, he found his arm trapped in the boy's grasp. "Com'on, I wanna show you something."

Tk didn't like the grip on his arm nor the way the boy's dark eyes watched him. He planted both feet, determined not to go anywhere, and opened his mouth to tell the boy to let go.

"Let go."

Tk's mouth snapped shut, and he turned instinctively in the direction of the voice. He hadn't seen his brother move, but Matt was suddenly there, his own hand deceptively gentle over the hand on Tk's arm. Matt's voice had been anything but deceptive or gentle. He had spoken exactly as he had meant it. His words may have been, 'Let go,' but his tone said, 'Get your hand off my little brother or I'm going to rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.'

Dark Eyes understood Matt's tone and Tk found the hand had suddenly vanished from his arm.

"No problem, man." Dark Eyes took a step back from the brothers. "I thought he might be a groupie up for a little fun. I didn't know he was with th' Angel."

"He's not interested in your kind of fun." Matt's eyes flashed and the boy took another unconscious step away from them.

Tk watched it all, but found that his initial relief at Matt's arrival had turned to irritation. Matt had always seemed to have some sort of preternatural ability to know when something was going on with him. When Tk had been younger, he had depended on it. But now that he was older, he wished his brother didn't have that particular super power. It had been his problem, but now it seemed that neither his brother nor the dark eyed brunette noticed him. They were talking about him, over him, not to him. Tk absolutely hated that.

"_He _can speak for himself," Tk inserted into the conversation.

Matt seemed to startle slightly and turned to Tk, Dark Eyes used Matt's lapse in concentration to slink away to rejoin his band mates.

"_He _can also take care of himself," Tk added, still speaking in the third person.

Matt took a deep breath, like he was trying to stay calm. The breath didn't seem to help. Matt looked down as he smoothed out the front of his jacket, brushing his hand over the right side of his chest, and released a sigh as he ran his right hand through his hair. When he looked up the hard glint in his eyes had faded. Tk also noticed when his brother finally spoke, that all the steel in his voice had disappeared.

"Do you know why he asked you if you were a roadie or a groupie?"

Tk wished he had the answer, not knowing seemed to weaken his argument that he could handle himself. Since he couldn't answer Matt's question, he settled for a silent shake of his head.

"Usually a roadie is a person that is close to the band. They care about the band and the band cares about them. A groupie tends to be someone that only cares about blindly following a band, any band. In fact, a groupie doesn't really care about the band, they just like the rush they get by being around the band. To get that rush, the groupie will do just about anything."

"So, what does any of that have to do with me?" Tk sounded slightly belligerent and he knew it. He just didn't care.

Matt sighed and tried not to roll his eyes at Tk's stubbornness. "To put it simply, he wanted to know if anyone would care if he messed you up. If you were a roadie, the band you were with would seriously gut him if he hurt you. He thought you were a groupie and he could do anything he wanted to."

Tk was silent at Matt's words. He hadn't really thought of a concert as being a dangerous place. And since his brother was a musician, he hadn't really thought of the other musicians as being dangerous either.

"Look, just stay away from him. Okay?" Matt added when Tk didn't reply. "He and a lot of the bands have some really bad habits. They would like nothing more than to drag some unsuspecting person into drugs and other things with them. A coked groupie is a controlled groupie."

Tk frowned at Matt's explanation and his thoughts turned to something the boy had said. "So when you showed up, he thought I was a roadie and attached to your band, right? But what did he mean by 'the Angel?' Surely that guy doesn't know anything about digimon."

"Don't worry about that. He doesn't know anything about the digital world." Matt's smile was odd and he released a short, bitter laugh. "He meant it as an insult."

"Why would I be insulted by that?" Tk was puzzled at the odd answer and the odder humor in Matt's voice.

"You wouldn't," Matt laughed for real now. "It wouldn't be an insult for you. No, he meant it for me. Some of the guys in the other bands call me, 'Angel.' It used to be 'Fallen Angel,' but I guess they were too dumb to remember something that long. They don't really like me very much because I refuse to play their games."

"Like doing drugs?"

"Yeah, like that." Matt's voice spoke of other things, but Tk didn't push. He was satisfied in just knowing Matt didn't do them; he didn't really want to know what other things Matt might mean. "Drugs might take away pain, but they also take away control. I have way too much to worry about to let drugs screw me over. I'm definitely no angel, but I haven't fallen that low."

"You're not that stupid, you mean." Tk laughed, trying to lighten Matt's mood. His brother's tone had gotten very dark as he had spoken and some of his inner light seemed to dim.

"Not _that_ stupid," Matt echoed Tk's laugh. "But stupid enough. I'm sorry, Tk. I shouldn't have invited you here. At the very least, I should have warned you about those guys."

"Matt, I'm a big boy." Tk sighed in exasperation at Matt's self-recriminations. "I wanted to come and I am definitely old enough to 'just say no' all by myself."

"I know. But I'm your brother and you can't blame me for being a little protective of my little brother."

"Aniki," Tk laughed, "you have never been 'a little' protective. And I won't always be your 'little' brother. When are you going to stop being so overprotective and let me take care of myself?"

Matt's inner light seemed to come back full strength as he pounced on Tk, capturing him in a loose strangle hold and pulling off his cap to mess up his hair. "You will always be my little brother."

Tk slapped at Matt's arm, laughing almost as much as he was protesting. Matt laughed along with him and finally released him. Grumbling about bullying big brothers, Tk tried to fix his unruly hair and finally settled for jamming his hat back on. There was a reason he wore his hat; Matt's hair always seemed to look good when it was wild, but for some reason Tk's just looked like a haystack. When Tk looked back up at his brother, he noticed that Matt's laughter and bright smile had faded and a more serious expression had taken its place.

"I tell you what, Tk." Matt's eyes were darker, more serious than Tk had seen them before. "I'll make you a deal. When you're an adult, I'll stop trying to protect you."

"What do you mean by 'adult'?" Tk was a little suspicious of Matt's proposed deal. He knew there had to be a trick in there somewhere; Tk knew that Matt would never stop trying to protect him. Not until the day he died.

"A child is considered a minor until they turn eighteen," Matt answered him.

"So when I turn eighteen, you'll let me take care of myself?"

"That's the deal. But until then, you'll have to live with me being an overprotective big brother." Matt smiled, before adding, "You couldn't really stop me anyways, you know."

Tk laughed at that last comment. "You're probably right. Alright, it's a deal."

"Good, now listen to your aniki and stay away from the bad little boys." Matt teased Tk as he threw a companionable arm over Tk's shoulders and led him back to where Matt's band stood waiting for them.

end flashback-

* * *

Tk's eyes opened and he looked up at Tai. The brunette had remained quiet, watching him as he had looked for some type of answer.

_I know there's more there. Something I'm not seeing, but I know one thing…_

"I think I know a good place to start looking for the answers we need." Tk finished out loud as he silently added to himself, _Dark__ eyes, you and me are going to have a chat._

'To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life'

'Welcome To My Life' by Simple Plan

…tbc

Hope you all liked it. I hope it didn't get too bogged down with info. I just felt it was important to have in there.

Aren't I mean? Poor Tk was almost there, but…it's still too soon. Their going to have to suffer for their ignorance. I'm just way too mean, ne? _laughs_

I just realized I didn't give a translation tip, gomen (sorry) for forgetting

Aniki is a nickname for 'big brother'

**Special Thanks To:  
****Tamurl**_laughs _Begging? I wouldn't call that 'begging,' 'death threats' maybe…But I know it means you love me ;P After all, I'm torturing Matt and I love him dearly ;) Thanks for the review, catch ya next time.  
**Ryuu-takahashi**geez, more death threats? I better find a good safe house. So here's a question for you…would you rather the story not finish, than see Matt die? Just wondering _chuckles evilly_ Actually, you'll just have to wait and see. I tend to kill people in my fics, but I have yet to kill a main character. It'll be interesting to see where this leads.  
**Fey Phantom: **_fey who? I don't see anyone_ Thanks for the non-review since you didn't visit and didn't leave a really sweet and smile-provoking review. _Giggles, did it work? _Alright, where to start. My bishie boys in ICU, it just can't be helped. I torture them so much, that that is the only place that I can put them. It simply wouldn't be realistic for Tai and Tk to find a comatose, potentially dying Matt and take him to…Joe. Joe's knowledgeable, but that's just dumb. Hence the visit to the ICU. The hospital is also fun to play with because there is so much danger for the character in such a safe environment. As for Tai's leadership, I don't have anything specific yet. The story is mostly about the brothers. But on that note, Tk is not a leader. Even in the new digi-destined, he is the most experienced, but he has taken the roll of second in command, the same as his brother. It just made sense that in such an overwhelming situation, he'd look to Tai for guidance. Okay, I think that's it for now. And I agree a hundred percent, Evanescence is the best, I'm thinking of using another song in a later chapter. Ja ne!  
**DragonBlade**Glad you liked it :) As for your request, the hospital and staff are doing their best to make Matt better, but even if he gets better and makes it out of the hospital, what's to say he'll survive his return home? Poor guy, the whole world seems against him.  
**The butterflie: **Yeah, Matt's dad is the only one who could torment him for the appropriate time period in this story. If it was a short stretch of time, I could create a perverted neighbor or something, but that's not the way this goes. I needed something that would explain his withdrawn nature in the known anime. DIC is a real disease and it is definitely a scary thing to witness. Matt has a strong will, so maybe he'll fight it off.  
**Tabbycat411: **_smiles_ Thank you for the wonderful praise. Matt will unfortunately stay unconscious for a while. The others are going to have to muddle along on their own for a while. But don't worry, it won't be for to long. I'll try to be quick about my updates, but I'm afraid I owe a chapter on my other story, so this one will pause until I can do one chapter for the other one. I promise, I'll finish though :)  
**Syaoran****-Lover: **_I'm smiling so big from your review that my cheeks are hurting _Thank you! I'm so glad everything worked just right for you. I'm trying to be subtle and still give all the information that people need to catch everything. As for the school and the hospital, I really think that in a situation like this, people will do their best to help each other. Matt's problem is that he has learned that he can't have faith or trust in the people around him. I really want to show that it isn't a matter of that there is no one there that could help him, but rather that he can't go to them because he has been conditioned not to. Hmm… the letters…do I really want to tell you?...No _laughs_ Actually, I have pointed to them three different times throughout the story. But, it was very subtle, you probably won't see it until I actually point them out to Tk and Tai. Just wondering? If it were you, where would you hide the letters that meant so much to you? You might figure it our, but if you don't, I'll tell you eventually.  
**Tamara2187: **Thank you for the review. Matt is really having a hard time, ne? Well, the biggest problem with the others figuring out that Matt's father is hurting him is the fact that they can't comprehend the possibility that a father could do that. People have trouble seeing what's right in front of them a lot of times because they really don't want to see it. Let's hope, Tk and Tai can overcome that tendency.  
**Deathangel**I hope that means you are a killer authoress and not a torch wielding fangirl. _Laughs_ Thanks for the reviews, here's the update as per requested.  
**Angel: **I'm glad you liked the story. I'm afraid there won't be a lot of Mimi because I'm sticking with the fact that she is out of the country. The others haven't thought of asking her about anything because she hasn't been around since they returned from the digital world and they think it started after that. I do plan on having a brief appearance with an important part for her though. I hope you enjoy it when it comes.  
**Kari-HP: **Evanescence is fantastic, hands down the best. Glad you liked the story, hope you enjoyed this chapter too Thanks for the review.  
**EllaJ.W**I'm so happy you liked the hospital scene. I try to make sure I have a lot of info on things in my stories. I try to be as realistic as I can. I haven't read the sequel of your story yet, so hurry and finish it before I get the chance to come and visit ;) As for the trust issue. Nope, Tk will always trust Matt, I think it's physically impossible for him not to. But you are close ;P You'll see what I mean when we get there. _Laughs_ I'm afraid Gabuman isn't really going to be in the story. Him munching on Matt's father would be too easy. But maybe I'll have the others visit him to try to find out info about Matt. Hmmm…I hadn't thought of that earlier, but I sort of like it. We'll see. Ja ne!  
**Jodi Crystal: **Thanks for the review. I'm glad it was worth the wait. I hope the next one is too, then I won't feel so bad about making you wait _laughs  
_**Violet cleric: **Intense? That is a great compliment. Thanks! I'm afraid this story won't show Tk turning 18. Things are definitely too intense for the others to let Matt go that long without finding out what's going on. I was thinking of a short one-shot sequel to this story when I'm done about Tk's 18th birthday. I think the torch wielding fans will demand it because of how I plan on ending this. Hope you check it out.  
**Ashiki**Yea! _Smiles_ Finally, someone who wants to kill the evil father and not the evil authoress _laughs_ Don't worry, the story will get finished, be patient and we'll get there eventually ;)  
**Kuroi**** Black Nightingale: **_laughs evilly _As you can see, I wouldn't make it that easy to catch Matt's dad. But obviously, even if the kids don't suspect, the police already have decided he's a suspect. But, without evidence or a statement from the victim, it'll make things harder for everyone. Stay around and you'll find out what happened and who figures it out.  
**xPEACHESz**** N CREAMx: **I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. There will be no couples in this fic. Please feel free to see any shonen ai you want, but I won't be making it a part of the story. Matt has been tortured and raped for years, he is not going to be able to develop a trusting and loving relationship with anyone in the short period of time that my story will encompass. I hope you continue with me though even without the pairings. It should still be a fun ride.  
**Avril**** Fan: **Close, but no cigar. _Laughs_ Don't worry about loving the Matt torture, obviously, you and I are not a minority here ;) Thanks for leaving me a nice review. Catch ya later.  
**Weird1: **Glad to see you're still hanging on. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't worry, I won't forget this story! Ja!

Thanks again for all the reviews. Please leave me some words of encouragement before you go. Let me know how I'm doing. I'll try to keep updating at a good pace. Thanks!


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